Gramma's Secret Recipe [8.1a]

[Bubble transitions over to the place called "Grandma's Tea House."]

SpongeBob: [drinks tea] Ahhh. Isn't this tea delicious, Grandma?

Plankton: Why, yes! [drinks the tea then spits it out on a coaster] HOW CAN YOU DRINK THIS DRECK?! [all of the grandmas gasp] Heh, heh, heh, heh... What I meant to say was, "More, please."

Grandma Plankton: Plankton! [Plankton gasps. Grandma Plankton takes her glasses off his face] You've been a very naughty boy, Plankton!

Plankton: B-But-But-But I... [Grandma Plankton takes her wig off his head] Grandma, I can... [Grandma Plankton takes her dress off Plankton's body]

Grandma Plankton: I've been looking all over for this stuff!

Plankton: Grandma, I can explain!

Grandma Plankton: [grabs Plankton by his right antenna and drags him out of the kitchen] I'm sure you can. Plankton Jr., you know you always were a... [stops at one of SpongeBob's feet]

SpongeBob: Grandma? [gasps] You caught Plankton! Let me guess—trying to steal the secret formula, right?

Grandma Plankton: Get out of my way, rapscallion! [SpongeBob does so] I've had enough foolishness for one day. [Plankton groans in defeat. Grandma Plankton drags him out of the Krusty Krab.]

The Cent of Money [8.1b]

Tough guy: Oh boy, I'm not gonna hear the end of this when I get home.

SpongeBob: Pardon me sir. You haven't seen a crab walking around with a snail, have you?

Tough guy: Say, are you in with those thieving criminals too?

SpongeBob: Uh, thi-thieving what?

Tough guy: Them two jerks what stole my money. The fat one used his sneagle to swipe my coins from me!

SpongeBob: His sneagle?

Tough guy: That's right. Why, the coins were sticking right to his shell. [walks off muttering]

Mr. Krabs: [laughs]

SpongeBob: [he looks toward the arcade, and knows that Mr. Krabs is using his pet snail to collect coins] Mr. Krabs, what have you done to my Gary?

Mr. Krabs: [to everyone] Ladies and gentlemen! [everyone looks at Mr. Krabs.] Thank you for your money! [lifts up Gary. Nothing happens]

Player 1: Huh?

Player 2: What? [they go back to their games]

Mr. Krabs: Come on, Harry! Let's go! [mutters] Come on, you! [shakes Gary]

SpongeBob: [stomps up behind him] Mr. Krabs! For shame!

Mr. Krabs: What do you mean? I'm just showing Rory off.

SpongeBob: Don't you lie to me! I know all about you using Gary to steal money!

Mr. Krabs: I am doing nothing of the sort! [Gary's eyes wiggle] I would never steal... You have to quit making up stories, boyo! [some of the coin buckets begin to wiggle]

SpongeBob: I'm not making up anything! I know all about your little scheme! You're the one making up stories! [more buckets wiggle]

Mr. Krabs: Don't you have work you should be doing?

SpongeBob: Oh, that's rich!

Mr. Krabs: No, if I was rich, I wouldn't have to hire the likes of you!

SpongeBob: That's hurtful, Mr. Krabs, and you know it. [More buckets wiggle faster]

Mr. Krabs: Why you little yella...! Well, I never...

SpongeBob: You never what? Learned to use decent language? [All of the coin buckets fly away, and coins burst out of the consoles; people scream and run. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs argue more]

Mr. Krabs: What happened to the sweet boy I hired so long ago?!

SpongeBob: In the word you've gave between me and my sneagle- I mean snail!

Mr. Krabs: Who do you think you are?! [the big wave of money begins to approach SpongeBob, Gary, and Mr. Krabs] Jackpot! [throws Gary into SpongeBob's arms and rushes toward the wave of coins] Money, money, money, money, money money, money! [Mr. Krabs keeps running to the big wave of coins] Come to papa! [stops as he realizes his mistake far too late] Oh, boy.

The Monster Who Came to Bikini Bottom [8.2a]

Patrick: Uh, I'd like you to meet my friend, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: And you are?

Monster: Raaaaaaaarrrrghhh!

SpongeBob: Nice to meet you, Mr. Raaaaaaaarrrrghhh!

Welcome to the Bikini Bottom Triangle [8.2b]

Mr. Krabs: [to the mermaids] So there's really no way out of this place? [cries] Cause I really need to get back to the Krusty Krab to stop me arch-nemesis from ruining me business.

Lead Mermaid: T.N.O.P, Grandpa.

Mr. Krabs: T.N.O.P?

Spongebob: [to Mr. Krabs] Totally Not Our Problem.

The Curse of the Hex [8.3a]

The Main Drain [8.3b]

Trenchbillies [8.4a]

Sponge-Cano! [8.4b]

That Sinking Feeling [8.6a]

Patrick: Knock, knock!

SpongeBob: Who's there?

Patrick: I don't know! [laughs]

Squidward: Why were you digging under my yard?

SpongeBob: You told us not to walk on your yard, so, we walked under it.

Squidward: But you buried my house!

Patrick: No need to thank us.

Squidward: THANK YOU?!?

Patrick: You're welcome.

Karate Star [8.6b]

SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?

Patrick: SpongeBob, just the man I was looking for. I wanted to thank you, buddy. [chops his unicycle]

SpongeBob: For what?

Patrick: For teaching me how to karate chop, silly.

SpongeBob: You gotta stop, buddy, you're destroying the entire town!

Patrick: [looks at the destruction] Wooooooooooo.

SpongeBob: Just stop chopping, okay, Patrick?

Patrick: You got it, buddy. No more karate chops! [chops a jail truck]

SpongeBob: You're still chopping!

Patrick: I know! Weird, huh?

SpongeBob: Patrick, stop it!

Patrick: Oh. Okay. I know, I'll stop a chop, with a chop! [Patrick chops his hand and it hits his face]

SpongeBob: [grabs Patrick's arm] You must resist! [flings SpongeBob on a fire hydrant] Ahhah! [Patrick's hand suddenly springs to life and pulls him away and his hand chops Squidward's hedge sculpture]

Buried in Time [8.7a]

Enchanted Tiki Dreams [8.7b]

The Abrasive Side [8.8a]

Mr. Krabs: Ahoy there, SpongeBob! I need you to work an extra 17 hour shift tonight!

SpongeBob: Oh, sure thing Mr.- [flips to Abrasive SB]

Abrasive SpongeBob: Sorry, Krabs! I'm busy! Unless you're payin' me overtime! [leaves]

Mr. Krabs: Overtime? O... o... o-ver-time...? [He gets out a dictionary] Overtime? Hm, let's see here... "over"... "oversold"... "overspend"... Ah! "Overtime: More money per hour". [mutters for a moment] AHHHH! [hides behind desk] Oh, filthy, disgusting word!

Squidward: Oh fun. I suppose you want me to play some stupid game, or you'll just follow me around all day and never ever leave, huh?

[He sprays SpongeBob with his hose; SpongeBob flips to Abrasive SB]

Squideard: Tch, huh.

[Abrasive SB snaps his fingers repeatedly]

Abrasive SpongeBob: 'Fraid not, Schnozward! I wouldn't hang out with you for all the money in Krabs' mattress!

Squidward: [hugs him] You don't know how long I've waited to hear those words!

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! You're right on time for our play date!

SpongeBob: Ooh, I can't wait... [flips to Abrasive SB]

Abrasive SpongeBob: ...to ditch you... [flips to Normal SB]

SpongeBob: ...cause you're my best friend... [flips to Abrasive SB]

Abrasive SpongeBob: ...so beat it, tubby! I don't care for your company! [flips to Normal SB]

SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, are you ready to have some fun?

Patrick: I don't know...! [sobs]

Earworm [8.8b]

[As Squidward closes his eyes, the earworm slithers across his head, slips under his eyelid, and into his head. As Squidward begins humming, the song he played earlier begins playing in his head. Cut back to the exterior of his home.]

Squidward: Oh, yeah. That's catchy stuff, Squiddy. Catchy stuff. Mmm-hmm. [screams in agony as the episode ends]

Hide and Then What Happens? [8.9a]

SpongeBob: Darn it. "Welcome to the end of the world, café and gift shop." [walks in]

Waiter: May I help you, son?

SpongeBob: I'm looking for my friend, Patrick.

Waiter: You mean a big mouthish fellow with a pointy head?

SpongeBob: Exactly.

Waiter: I have not seen him.

SpongeBob: Oh. Oh, well, thanks anyway. [is about to leave]

Waiter: Wait! Is he pink?

SpongeBob: Yeah.

Waiter: Well, in that case, he's sitting right over there.

SpongeBob: I can't believe it! Patrick, it really is you.

Patrick Not-Star: My name is Patrick. [turns around] Patrick Not-Star.

SpongeBob: Patrick Not-Star? Oh, no! [starts crying] You aren't the one I'm seeking! Now I'll never find Patrick! He wins at hide and seek! He wins, he wins!

Patrick Not-Star: So he wins. What's so bad about that?

SpongeBob: Well, if he wins, I lose.

Patrick Not-Star: Did you have fun playing?

SpongeBob: Yeah.

Patrick Not-Star: Well, then, it's okay to lose, as long as you have fun doing it.

SpongeBob: Hey, you're right! Thanks, Patrick Not-Star.

Patrick Not-Star: Just one more thing.

SpongeBob: What's that?

Patrick Not-Star: Do you have a dollar I can borrow?

[SpongeBob takes a dollar from his pocket and gives it to Patrick Not-Star.]

Shellback Shenanigans [8.9b]

Plankton: Yes, SpongeFool, come right back with your complete undoing and victory will be mine! [Gary slithers to Plankton angrily and growls at him] Mommy? Hey, wait!

[Gary beats Plankton up, while Mr. Krabs hears this, and he sees Plankton running out the door]

Mr. Krabs: Plankton? [finds out Gary beat him out of the restaurant and has an idea. Bubbles change the scene. Gary is at the Krusty Krab door letting people in, then Plankton, in a costume, comes up to Gary]

Plankton: Good day, sir. I'm just here to sample some of your delicious Krabby fare. [Gary growls] Whoa, there, fido! [screams and runs away] I'm going! I'm going already!

SpongeBob: Wow, Gary's doing a great job as bouncer, huh, Mr. Krabs? Really earning his pay.

Mr. Krabs: Well, he takes after you, boy. [surprised] Pay?! [the episode ends]

The Masterpiece [8.10a]

[cut to Mr. Krabs being painted golden and having kids climb on him]

Mr. Krabs: Oh, how long do I have to stay like this?

Squidward: As long as you're wanting to sell this many patties. [Mr. Krabs groans]

SpongeBob: I think you look really good, sir. You're golden! [laughs]

Whelk Attack [8.10b]

SpongeBob: Well, I guess this is it, Patrick!

Patrick: You guys go, I'll hold them off. [sadly] And if I fail, at least my sacrifice will delay the inamiable.

SpongeBob: I can't let you do that, Patrick! I'll be the one to lay down my life!

Patrick: Okay, you go!

Sandy: No, I'll go! The whelks don't seem to be after land... critters! [A whelk eats her. SpongeBob and Patrick scream and get swallowed by the whelk]

SpongeBob: Patrick, look at that!

SpongeBob and Patrick: The Krusty Krab! [exhale]

SpongeBob: The gang's all here!

Squidward: We're closed. Come back tomorrow.

Sandy: Hmmm. [takes a sample of the slime] Hey, SpongeBob! Lend me your corneas for a second! You too, Patrick!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, okay. [they remove their corneas]

Sandy: [looks through microscope] Well, golly! No wonder they're all grumpy! Them whelks are full of germs! Why, they're sicker than a bull with the squirrel pox!

SpongeBob: I know what to do! After all, I've had the suds! I just have to absorb the whelk snot, and they'll return to normal! [absorbs all of the slime and cleans off mama whelk]

Mama Whelk: Meow.

SpongeBob: Now, let's get the rest of you cleaned up! [swallows the whelks and swishes them around in his mouth a little, and spits them out]

Whelks: Meow. Meow. Meow.

SpongeBob: Aw, cute! Ah... ah... Ah-choo! [sneezes out Patrick, Sandy, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, and The Krusty Krab. The customers cheer and SpongeBob sniffles] Excuse me! [laughs]

Squidward: Gesundheit.

Mr. Krabs: You did it, boy!

Squidward: [hears the whelks meowing and picks up one of them] So, these things went crazy just because they had the sniffles? [the whelk sneezes on Squidward and everyone laughs]

Patrick: It's in his eye! [SpongeBob sneezes again]

Squidward: Oh, that's hilarious. [the episode ends]

You Don't Know Sponge [8.11a]

SpongeBob: [watches Patrick from the inside of a blender] Patrick's shopping for cookery? Very suspicious. Oh! He's coming back! [hides back in the blender]

[Patrick comes to the blender and presses a button, activating the blender. Patrick then leaves. SpongeBob hand comes out of the blender and turns it off. And SpongeBob, now liquefied, exits the blender.. Cuts to Larry and Patrick purchasing something from the magic shop. As the exit, one of the top hats from the top hat display follows them]

SpongeBob: [from inside the hat] Hold it right there, Patrick! [jumps out of the hat]

Larry: Hi, SpongeBob.

Patrick: We were just coming to see you.

SpongeBob: [angrily] Oh, I'll bet you were... to tell me about your new best friend, Larry, I suppose?!

Larry: Whoa, settle down, little dude. I don't want to get in the middle of, whatever this is. [walks off]

Patrick: Well, Larry is a great guy, loads of talent, and good looks.

SpongeBob: I know, he is pretty amazing...

Patrick: He's not my best friend. He was just helping me buy a present.

SpongeBob: [angrily] Who for? Sandy?

Patrick: No. For my real best friend, SpongeBob SquarePants. [holds out the bag he's holding]

SpongeBob: Really? [takes the bag and opens it up] For me? What is it? [takes out a rubber nose, mustache, and glasses disguise] Oh! I love it! You do know me, best friend!

Patrick: [wearing the same disguise] I got a pair for me too! [laughs]

SpongeBob: Oh, you're the bestest, best friend, Patrick! [puts on his disguise] How do I look?

Patrick: [screams] How should I know, mysterious stranger?! [runs away and screams]

SpongeBob: [sighs] Why me?

Tunnel of Glove [8.11b]

Pearl: Ugh, this ride is lame! Hey! You're allowed to speak now!

SpongeBob: [rapid fire] I bet Mr. Krabs would get a kick out of this ride, don't you think? I mean he's so tough on the outside, but he's got a soft side, too. You know, this one time I was upset because my snail Gary he was sick and he let me leave 5 minutes early. Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...

Narrator: Two very boring minutes later...

SpongeBob: And theeeen, there was that time that Mr. Krabs yelled at me for getting to work before he did, and he didn't even dock my pay! What a sweet man!

SpongeBob: Pearl, I don't think this is the Tunnel of Glove... it's the Tunnel of EVIL!

Krusty Dogs [8.12a]

SpongeBob: [grabs balloons from a drawer, puts one in a Krusty Dog] Beautiful. [serves to customer with a air pump connected to the Krusty Dog] Your Krusty Dog, sir, with extra mustard.

Nat: Thanks.

SpongeBob: Can I bring you something else? [silence] Okay, I guess not. Thank you sir. [walks away]

[Nat picks up the Krusty Dog, slowly starts bringing it to his mouth]

SpongeBob: [watches the customer] Wait for it, SpongeBob. Wait for it. Now! [pushes down on air pump, filling up the balloon, and the hot dog]

Sadie: Yeah, remember that, that was... Oh, my Neptune! [sees the hot dog expanding] That Krusty Dog is about to explode!

Nat: What? Where? [the Krusty Dog explodes, shooting meat on all the customers]

All customers: [begin screaming and angrily leaving]

SpongeBob: Have a nice day!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! What happened in here? Where all me customers?! What are we gonna do?

SpongeBob: Oooh! I know the answer.

The Wreck of the Mauna Loa [8.12b]

Patrick: What's wrong, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Just as I thought. We're being followed. THAT'S IT! [opens seaweed, no one's there] Heh, looks like no one was following us to the secret hideout after all!

Mr. Krabs: Found it!

SpongeBob: Hey, were you following us?

Mr. Krabs: No, I just saw the sign. [Scene zooms out Patrick painting a sign reading "SpongeBob and Patrick's Secret Hideout"]

[SpongeBob, Patrick, and some fishes are on the boat, which is swinging back and forth]

SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoo-hoo! Ha, ha! Woo-hoo! [Dale, Scooter and Abigail-Marge fall of the boat and they run away. Pieces fall from the boat, hitting the lever, moving it from slow to fast to beyond fast to beyond comprehension. The boat moves back and forth then it goes really fast causing it to go round and round in a circle. People fly out of the boat then the leg on the ground breaks and then the boat flies by itself then it crashes into the ground, causing it to break into pieces, later, SpongeBob and Patrick emerge from the rubble unharmed] Woo-hoo! [whoop and laugh]

SpongeBob: That was awesome!

Patrick: Yeah! Totally realistic!

Harold: [emerging from the debris] Realistic? That realism nearly cost us our lives!

Sally: Mr. Krabs, put all our lives in danger with this careless contraption!

Nazz-Mimi: What were you thinking? Our little boy could've been hurt on your disaster of a ride!

Mr. Krabs: Okay, people, let's not do anything we might regret!

Fish Cop: Too late for that, Krabs. [handcuffs Mr. Krabs]

Mr. Krabs: What—what—what are you talking about? You can't take me to the pokey! I—

Fish Cop: For operating a danger to public safety I can, and I will. [to Nazz-Mimi] Honestly, I think he'll be safer in prison.

[Bubble transition changes the scene. The sign says 'Condemned' on top of the sign that Patrick painted]

SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, I guess we really lost our secret hideout this time.

Patrick: And just when everyone was starting to find out about it, too.

SpongeBob: Oh, who knows, Patrick? The next fun, fun place might be just around the corner, huh?

Patrick: Well, I doubt it.

[SpongeBob and Patrick scream as they sink to the sand, slamming onto a floorboard. SpongeBob sees a sign, revealing it's the actual Mauna Loa ship]

SpongeBob: "The Real Mauna Loa?" Ooh, Patrick, can you keep a secret?

Patrick: [raises his head] Nope!

New Fish in Town [8.13a]

Howard: Hello. My name is Howard.

Squidward: Hello, Howard.

Howard: I noticed this "For Rent" sign. Is this yard still for rent?

Squidward: Sorry, you're too late.

Howard: Hmmm. Howard is disappointed.

Squidward: Yeah, well, aren't we all?

Howard: This looked like it might've been a wonderful place to pursue my passions...

Squidward: [peeks out the door] Passions?

Howard: ...painting...

Squidward: Painting?

Howard: ...playing the bassoon...

Squidward: The bassoon?

Howard: ...and enjoying a nice glass of tea in my front yard.

Squidward: [speaks gibberish] I can hardly believe what I'm hearing. [sighs] Finally, a neighbor with some culture! Oh, I can only imagine! Painting portraits while sipping tea, recumbent bicycling into a museum, playing a duet together at the Bikini Bottom Philharmonic! [sighs again]

Howard: [leaves] Farewell. I should've known all this was too good to be true.

Squidward: [stops him] Wait! Don't go! [panting] I was...just kidding!

Howard: Ok, well, in that case, I should move in right away!

Squidward: Wonderful!

Howard: Make yourself at home!

Love That Squid [8.13b]

SpongeBob: When was the last time you went out on a date?

[Squidward remembers the last date he had was with a female octopus, dancing in 1930's Mickey Mouse style]

Squidward: SpongeBob, you've gotta help me! It's been so long! What do I do?!

SpongeBob: [regular voice] Squidward, wait. We haven't covered... Oh! [grabs the purse and looks inside for the lipstick and pops lips] We haven't covered all the tenets of Dating 101 yet. Squidward, wait. There's a couple more tenets! [trips and falls downstairs causing his clothes to fall off, and bumps into Squidward, causing his head to get stuck in the front door] Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! As I was saying, I'd like to go over just a few more crucial aspects of the first date... [The door melts off Squidward.]

Squidward: [angrily and growling] First date?! That's it!

SpongeBob: Such as...

Squidward: [grabs SpongeBob's mouth] SpongeBob! Would you please just shut it and leave me alone?

SpongeBob: Um, Squidward...

Squidward: Don't "um, Squidward" me, you, you annoying, insignificant, waste of my time!

SpongeBob: Um, Squidward.

Squidward: Don't interrupt me! [continues to yell at SpongeBob underneath the sand] And don't call me, look at me, write me, or even think of me! Because you and I, we are not friends! And never will be.

SpongeBob: Does this mean there won't be a second date?

Squidward: [walks and sees Squilvia] Um, you saw that, didn't you?

Squilvia: Oh, only all of it.

Squidward: And you probably think I'm a mean-spirited brute, which, ironically, is the exact opposite of what you were expecting, right?

Squilvia: Not exactly.

Squidward: Huh?

Squilvia: I think a guy who doesn't suffer fools lightly is totally dreamy. Let's go eat!

Squidward: SpongeBob, I'm dreamy! [Squilvia pulls him away so they can go eat]

SpongeBob: [laughs while waving goodbye] Have fun, you two! SquarePants, your work here is done.

Patrick: [dressed as a woman] Not quite! I was promised a movie, and some plastic popcorn. [the episode ends]

Big Sister Sam [8.14a]

Sam: MORE SPIFFY!

Patrick: Aww, Sam. You don't have to go.

Sam: No. I leave now. Late for manicure.

Perfect Chemistry [8.14b]

Sandy: Aw, I knew Plankton was hatching an evil plan the whole time. So I just adjusted the controls to put Plankton where he can't do any harm. Nobody fools a squirrel from Texas! [episode ends with Sandy laughing evilly]

Accidents Will Happen [8.15a]

Squidward: Oh, Krabsy, after tea, I think a full tentacle massage would be an order.

Mr. Krabs: I ain't touching your tentacles with a 10-ft...

Squidward: [on phone] Hello, Office Workers Safety Department... [Mr. Krabs jumps at Squidward ripping the phone out of his hand, then eats it]

Mr. Krabs: [chuckles nervously] I'll go get the massage oil now. [runs inside; cut to the storage room] Boy, ya got anything?

SpongeBob: Not yet, Mr. Krabs. [Mr. Krabs groans; takes a bucket of fry grease]

Squidward: [clearing throat] I'm waiting!

Mr. Krabs: Coming!

SpongeBob: This just isn't adding up.

Patrick: [sits up] Pudding?

SpongeBob: We must be missing something. Patrick, we're going to need help even more expert than you. [cut to inside the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs massages Squidward's tentacles using the fry grease]

The Other Patty [8.15b]

Mr. Krabs: What? You mean all this was one of your goofball schemes?

Plankton: Now, now, Krabs, SpongeBob has taught us important life lessons, such as, oh, how to fall out of an airplane for instance.

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, and how to comically bludgeon myself.

Plankton: In fact, I think it's time we repay him, don't you?

Mr. Krabs: Great idea, pal. [clenches fists together. Plankton does the same] We'll teach you about teamwork. [hops on top of Plankton who carries him. SpongeBob runs away screaming] Get back here! [Plankton chases SpongeBob while carrying Mr. Krabs]

Plankton: We should do this more often, Krabs.

Drive Thru [8.16a]

Squidward: Ah! Ooh! I'm not faking you know. It really hurt... a lot.

Plankton: Chum Nuggets… Get it before… [his left arm fall apart] …My arm falls off.

The Hot Shot [8.16b]

Tony Jr.: [stops walking and notices SpongeBob] Yeah, what is it? Can't you see I'm walking here?

SpongeBob: I can see that! And I'm eager to learn more from you!

Tony Jr.: Eager?

SpongeBob: Yeah!

Tony Jr.: I can't teach you anything more at this square school, no offense, SquarePants.

SpongeBob: None taken!

Tony Jr.: Well, if you really wanna learn more, you can come by my house later! [walks off]

SpongeBob: Oh! I'll be delighted to!

A Friendly Game [8.17a]

SpongeBob: This one's for all the marbles.

Patrick: But I thought we weren't betting.

SpongeBob: No, I mean whoever wins this hole wins the game. [Squidward wakes up and takes off his blindfold to see SpongeBob and Patrick talking]

Squidward: [muffled] What's going on here? [screams]

SpongeBob and Patrick: [they shoot, landing the ball in Gary's food bowl, spilling on him] Hole in one! [Squidward sits up]

SpongeBob: [softly] Good morning.

Patrick: Sorry we woke you.

Squidward: [muffled and stammering] Wha-What? [his mouth is shown, with no dentures]

SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, what happened to your dentures? [scene cuts to Gary, with Squidward's dentures in his bowl]

Patrick: [as he and SpongeBob leave Squidward's house] Good game, pal.

SpongeBob: Rematch next Saturday?

Patrick: Rain or shine, SpongeBob. Rain or shine.

[It stops raining, focusing on Squidward's house, which collapses.]

Squidward: [muffled] SpongeBob?!

Sentimental Sponge [8.17b]

Squidward: Well, now that you completely ruined my day, once again, I'm going back to bed.

SpongeBob: Alright, nighty-night.

Squidward: Idiot. [opens his door filled with photos by SpongeBob] What the...?! [sees a picture of Pete] SpongeBob, why is my house filled with photos of your dumb junk?

SpongeBob: Oh, I forgot to tell you, I took so many pictures I ran out of room in my house. [opens the door filled with photos and Patrick appears sliding with photos]

Patrick: Nice dress.

Squidward: [getting very angry] IT'S A NIGHTSHIRT!

Squidward's School for Grown-Ups [8.19a]

SpongeBob: [showing off a "fancy" outfit that he is wearing] So, umm...what do you guys think? Sweet duds, huh, Patrick?

Patrick: Ha ha, sure are! [Squidward clears his throat] ...for a baby.

Squidward: Well played, Patrick! Well played...

SpongeBob: Beard! I must remove that beard!

Patrick: Hey! Stop that beard!

SpongeBob: Patrick! It's not a beard! It's a sea urchin! It must've been sleeping on your face until your tears awoke it from its hibernation.

Patrick: How do you know my name!?

SpongeBob: Because, Mr. Patrick Star... [takes off his hat] ...you told me.

Patrick: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Patrick! [hugs him]

Patrick: Oh, please! You can call me Patrick! [The crowd cheers for SpongeBob and Patrick until they are interrupted by Squidward]

Squidward: Quiet! Hold it! Stop it right there! I am ashamed and disgusted by you people! I mean, don't you know a terrible performance when you see it!?

Fish: Yes! We do!

Squidward: That's what I thought you... [gets a tomato tossed right in his face] No, no! I didn't mean it like that! It was- [gets bombarded with even more fruit]

SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughing] Food fight! [The episode ends with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the crowd throwing food]

Oral Report [8.19b]

SpongeBob: Patrick, you're kinda derailing the proceedings here. Just focus on me, huh?

Patrick: Alright, alright. [stares at SpongeBob with bloodshot eyes]

SpongeBob: Patrick, nobody throws pillows in class!

Patrick: Says you! SPEECH!

Patrick: Try again.

SpongeBob: [panting] Boating...safety...

[Patrick crashes together a pair of cymbals, causing SpongeBob to lose his balance and fall off the treadmill while still holding the handlebars]

Patrick: Come on, SquarePants. Is this the best you can do?

SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't think this is working.

[The treadmill's motion grinds SpongeBob into a pile of dust on the floor]

Patrick: [shouts] SPEECH! [startled, SpongeBob jumps up in his normal form. Patrick continues yelling the same word repeatedly, making SpongeBob even more nervous] SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! [his eyes are now talking] SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEE-

SpongeBob: Patrick, stop! Somehow, you're help just isn't helping. I am even more nervous about this oral report than I've ever been about anything. [shivers]

Sweet and Sour Squid [8.20a]

Plankton: Hey, buddy! [door slams] Squidward! [door slams] Free cleaning service? [door slams] Census taker. [door slams] Good day, kind sir. Would you like to buy some Gil Scout cookies? [door slams] Ow! [tape rips]

The Googly Artiste [8.20b]

SpongeBob: Here's your Krabby Patty! [puts his Krabby Patty on the table and holds up his tray] Shall I put it on your tab?

Patrick: Oh, yeah. Keep it open. We might be here all night! Let me just say up front, I'm a fan! I'm excited to learn from a master. My career in self-worth are in your hands! Let us writing on this. Okay... advise!

Squidward: [sighs and gets up] Why don't you just concentrate on your patty? [leaves]

Patrick: [looks at his patty] Of course, it's so obvious now! How did I not see it earlier? Squidward's a genius! I know now what I must do! [reaches in his pocket for googly eyes and puts them on the patty, admiring his masterpiece.]

Frederick Nitpick: [pops out of the ketchup bottle] Brilliant! [hands Patrick a bag full of money] I've never seen such an example of raw creativity! This will turn the art world on its head! I hereby declare this the next big thing! [echoes. The customers swarm the Krusty Krab and hold up their money]

SpongeBob: You did it, Patrick! You found your inspiration!

Patrick: [holds up his money bag] And I'm going to need some more of those patty thingies!

SpongeBob: You got it, buddy! [jumps into the kitchen and flips some patties, which fly out to Patrick. Patrick decorates a patty and gives it to Tom, who gives him another money bag]

Mr. Krabs: Huh? [hears cha-ching] Ooh, money! Money, money, money, money, money, money, money! [opens the cash register and notices it's empty, then gasps] What the? [gasps again and notices customers giving money to Patrick and SpongeBob giving him patties] SpongeBob! [grabs SpongeBob] Patrick! [grabs Patrick and pulls both of them into his office] What's the meaning of this?

Patrick: It's my art. Uh, I buy Krabby Patties for $3 and I..I sell them for $50. [Mr. Krabs gets mad with a growling animal sound. SpongeBob and Patrick get worried and cry]

Squidward: Ha and ha!

Patrick: Why is he so mad, Squidward? I was just following your advice!

Mr. Krabs: What?! [to Squidward, angrily] It was your idea, huh?!

[The scene cuts to SpongeBob bringing more patties out.]

SpongeBob: Here's a whole new batch of Krabby Patty canvases.

Mr. Krabs: Great, SpongeBob! [to Incidental 41] That'll be fifty bucks!

Incidental 41: [hands Mr. Krabs money] It's so inexpensive!

Mr. Krabs: And here's your patty! One more art patty, Mr. Star!

Incidental 41: It's such an honor to meet you!

Patrick: [takes the patty] I can only imagine! Apprentice! [turns to Squidward] Make another of my masterpieces, good man. [Squidward grabs the patty and squirts glue on the top bun] If you work real hard, you may be an artist too someday! [Squidward growls at Patrick. Patrick looks at the patty.] Mm, probably not. Needs more glitter. [Squidward breaks down bawling, ending the episode]

Patrick's Staycation [8.22a]

Squidward: Patrick, you dimwitted moron! Get out of my kitchen!

Patrick: Good idea. I think I'll head over to the spa. I could use a massage.

Squidward: [annoyed] Get this into your tiny, tiny, little, tiny brain: this is not a resort. It's my house. There is no spa. And you can't get... A MASSAGE!

Walking the Plankton [8.22b]

Mooncation [8.23a]

Mr. Krabs Takes a Vacation [8.23b]

Ghoul Fools [8.23c]

Mermaid Man Begins [8.24a]

Mermaid Man: [slaps forehead] The story. Yes. [a new flashback begins, very similar to the first one] I was a young, handsome muscular lad, soaking up the sun's rays on the beach, when suddenly I became drowsy. [Mermaid Man in the flashback falls asleep instantly] A wave came ashore and drew me back into the ocean!

Young Mermaid Man: Help! [coughing]

Mermaid Man: [narrating] Suddenly, I realized I was being sucked under by a violent whirlpool! I was running out of oxygen fast. [sinks to the bottom of the sea and gives up trying the struggle] But before I drowned, I was rescued by mermaids. [carried through the ocean by 2 mermaids] They took me to the ocean floor, where they gave me a magic sea star that allowed me to breathe underwater. [Mermaid Man in the past inhales and exhales deeply, then falls asleep, the present Mermaid Man falls asleep also]

Barnacle Boy: Wake up, you old coot.

Mermaid Man: [wakes up after being nudged by Barnacle Boy] Huh?

Barnacle Boy: Finish the story.

SpongeBob: [excitedly] Yeah, Mermaid Man. What about Barnacle Boy?

Patrick: Yeah, how'd you 2 meet?

Mermaid Man: [slapping his temples] Oh. Sorry, boys. There I was in the ocean, the only human who could breathe underwater. [flashback resumes] Alas, such a life got lonely real fast, I had no other humans to talk to. What was a man to do? Then my question was answered. [the bottom of a boat is seen in the flashback, then the port side of the boat is shown, where a very young Barnacle Boy is scraping barnacles off the wood. The captain of the boat appears]

Captain: Hey, Barnacle Boy. Make sure you scrape the barnacles underneath, too.

Young Barnacle Boy: Aye, aye. [takes a deep breath and lowers himself underwater to get the barnacles under the surface]

Young Mermaid Man: A boy in trouble! I've got to act fast or he'll drown. [he swims to Barnacle Boy] Fear not, young man, I'll take care of this.

Mermaid Man: [narrating once again] I used my new telekinetic powers to draw barnacles into Barnacle Boy's body, where they took the place of his lungs so he could breathe underwater, too. [Young Barnacle Boy inhales] It was at that moment when we decided to team up.

SpongeBob: [the flashback has ended] Ohhh, so that's how you guys got together.

Barnacle Boy: No, no, no. [shaking head and crossing arms] The reason I teamed up with this joker is because... I was stuck breathing underwater for the rest of my life.

Mermaid Man: Oh... yeah.

Barnacle Boy: [to SpongeBob and Patrick] Anyway, from that day forward, we became…

Johnny: ...Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, superhero crime fighters!

Young Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: [new flashback begins, an alarm is clanging while people are shouting] A crime in progress! [A bank robber laughs maniacally as he is stealing bags of cash from the First Nautical Bank]

Banker: Stop, thief!

Young Barnacle Boy: See if you think this is funny, evildoer. [He rapidly spits barnacles at the robber, knocking him down] Who's laughing now, thieving scum?

Banker: [shaking Mermaid Man's hand] Thank you, sir and to whom do I owe this debt of gratitude?

Young Mermaid Man: You can thank me, Mermaid Man. [Barnacle Boy's seen shaking in indignity in the background]

Man Ray: [new flashback begins, Man Ray has the upper hand in a duel against Barnacle Boy. He laughs] You're mine!

Young Barnacle Boy: [shoots web a web of cheese-like material that binds and gags Man Ray] How'd you like to taste my tentacle zapper, Man Ray?

Young Mermaid Man: [dialing a pay phone] Hello? [indistinct response] So, what are you wearing? [indistinct response] Oh. In that case, can I get a large pepperoni pizza, extra cheese? Thanks. [Barnacle Boy slaps his head in disgust]

[The origin special plays.]

Narrator: The story of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy all started here.

Tim (Barnacle Boy): Come on, Ernie! The movie's about to start... Where's the popcorn?

Ernie (Mermaid Man): It's in the microwave, Tim.

Narrator: At that very moment in the apartment directly above, a rogue scientist doing tests on radioactive ants knocks over a jar of his infected specimens, 1 of which, without any hesitation, crawls down 1 floor and miraculously lands undetected. It viciously bites our soon-to-be superhero. He screams in pain...!

Ernie (Mermaid Man): Ahh!

Narrator: ...Stumbling backwards!

Tim (Barnacle Boy): What on earth?

Narrator: In a split-second, both men find themselves in a freefall that sends them squarely through the roof of a vats of acid factory, and into a vat of acid that is tipped over by an errant alien spaceship, carrying the 2 blindly on a wave of acid during a solar eclipse on a leap year, precariously careening onto a bomb-testing site, where a cataclysmic explosion exposes our heroes in waiting to highly toxic radium gases; Then, as fate would have it, magical storm clouds move in, zapping both men with a neon-plaid lightning bolt and raining radioactive ooze, which, through centrifugal and electromagnetic turbulence, causes a powerful earthquake deep in the jungle 2,000 miles away, consequently unearthing a magical crystal with wings that flies to Ernie and Tim's exact location, and powered by super gamma energy currents, pilots them to open skies until, not paying attention, the crystal clips the top of a billboard, flinging the 2 back to their apartment miraculously unharmed, when...

Ernie (Mermaid Man): Hey, the popcorn's ready!

Johnny: ...They proceed with movie night, and eat slightly overcooked popcorn.

Tim (Barnacle Boy): Mmmm... I think you overcooked this a little.

Johnny: Suddenly, an amazing reaction to the overcooked popcorn hits them with a jolt of cosmic super energy, metamorphosing Ernie into an incredibly strong, seastar-wearing superhero and Tim into a slightly less strong, but also super sailor-looking guy.

Tim [Barnacle Boy]: I have the sudden and incredibly urge to breathe water instead of air.

Ernie [Mermaid Man]: As do I.

Narrator: And that is how they became the superheroes we have come to know as... Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy - Defenders of the Deep!

Plankton's Good Eye [8.24b]

[Plankton presses a button. A machine covers him then retracts. An eye appears on the side of Plankton's head.]

Plankton: [eye appears] Success! [another eye grows] Uh oh, that ain't good. [even more eyes grow] No, no, no, no no no no no no no! I can see everyth- [an eye grows inside of him and pops out of his mouth]

Barnacle Face [8.25a]

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, what is this thing?

Mr. Krabs: Why, it's my old soap press!

SpongeBob: Soap press?

Mr. Krabs: That's right! All the soap Pearl and I use comes from this machine. And the best part is, it runs on 100% pure leftover Krabby Patties!

SpongeBob: Leftover Krabby Patties?

Mr. Krabs: [tosses a Krabby Patty into the machine] Their precious essences are harvested, and after a brief cooling process, tumble out this conveyor belt as fresh, wonderful bars of soap! [the new soap falls off the conveyor belt into a basket] Fresh and invigorating! Plus, it's absolutely free.

SpongeBob: [picks up one of the soap bars and sniffs it] Ohhhh, that explains why it smells so familiar! I don't know about this, Mr. Krabs. If Pearl finds out that you...

Pearl: [lividly] I've been using soap made out of Krabby Patties?!

Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patty essence.

Pearl: That's grease!

Mr. Krabs: Well, if you want to split hairs, I suppose-

Pearl: [furiously] DADDY! [throws soap at her father]

Mr. Krabs: [runs away in fear] Got to go, you kids have fun!

Pet Sitter Pat [8.25b]

SpongeBob: [running outside of his Grandma's house] Hang on, Gary! [when SpongeBob arrives at his house and opens the door, water comes out, and SpongeBob swims inside, then the water drains out] Gary! [hears Gary meow] What's the matter, buddy? [runs up the stairs, the sees Gary meowing at the book called "Snail Tales" while Patrick is laying on' SpongeBob's bed] Ahh... reading Patrick a bedtime story, I see. "Snail Tales," that's a good one.

Patrick: [sits up on the bed] "Snail Tales"? I thought it was called, "Meow, meow, meow".

House Sittin' for Sandy [8.26a]

SpongeBob: [taking down notes] Normal. [he then goes in the robot warehouse. He is counting the robots] 2,692... [he is wearing a hat. He types the something down on a gadget. The gadget takes out some paper with the words on it] 2,693... [types something again and the gadget takes out more paper] 2,694... [types something again but he types to much causing the gadget to take out lots of paper. He starts laughing. Suddenly, the gadget goes on fire and so does the paper then it disintegrates. SpongeBob leaves. Scene cuts to him wearing a dress while dusting Sandy's artifacts] Sandy said this collection of rare fragile artifacts needs to be gently cleaned twice daily. There we go. Not a speck of dust anywhere. Wait a minute. [turns a skull head around and spots a dot on it] Aha! [takes a feather off the duster and dusts the dot off] There... we go. [scene cuts to SpongeBob checking the worm incubator] Worm incubator. Well, looks like everything's fine here. [there is a squishing sound] What the...? [a worm starts to hatch] Ohhh! Sandy said these wouldn't hatch for... [checks the list] ...weeks! What is going on?! [Patrick's head pops up] Oh! Patrick? [Patrick pops out of the hole wearing his helmet]

Patrick: SpongeBob! There you are!

SpongeBob: Oh, what a relief. I thought you were a horrible mutant worm who was about to soak me with digestive juices and slowly consume me over a period of weeks.

Patrick: Nah, no thanks. I had a late breakfast.

SpongeBob: Why are you wearing that funny thing on your head?

Patrick: Well, because we can't breathe in Sandy's treedome, remember? It's filled with air.

SpongeBob: Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me. I almost for... [dries up and starts gasping for water] P-P-P-Patrick! Help me! I-I can't b-b-b-breathe! [Patrick puts a water helmet on SpongeBob's head]

Patrick: There you go. [SpongeBob inhales and exhales]

SpongeBob: Thanks, Patrick. You're a lifesaver. Now that I haven't suffocated, it's high time I got back to this list of house-sitting duties. So without further ado, Patrick, [opens the door] I'd like you to please immediately exit the treedome.

Patrick: E-Exit the... Exit the treedome?!

SpongeBob: That's right. Exit the tree...

Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, that's a great idea! Where should we go—Jellyfish Fields, Goo Lagoon, Barg'N-Mart, Lucky Larry's?

SpongeBob: Well, Lucky Larry's sounds fun.

Patrick: All right, let's go!

SpongeBob: Hold it! I promised Sandy I'd take extra-special care of her treedome while she's at the Inventor's Convention today. And that is exactly what I intend to do. Patrick, this is a major responsibility.

Patrick: Well, in that case, I'd better stay and help you.

SpongeBob: Nnnnope.

Patrick: Pleeease?

SpongeBob: Not gonna happen.

Patrick: Pretty please?

SpongeBob: No way.

Patrick: Pretty please with a scoop of vanilla ice cream?

SpongeBob: [scoffs] Yeah, right.

Patrick: Pretty please with a scoop of strawberry, vanilla, and chocolate ice cream, smothered in gooberberry sauce and topped with half a can of whipped topping?

SpongeBob: Patrick, what do you take me for?

Patrick: And a scoop of nuts!

SpongeBob: Deal.

Patrick: [jumps with joy] Hooray!

SpongeBob: But you have to promise not to touch anything.

Patrick: [raises his left hand] I, Patrick Star, hereby promise not to touch anything.

Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom [8.26b]

Kelpy G: [crowd is softly chanting "Kelpy"] At this time, I'd like to welcome a very special guest to the stage — Mr. SpongeBob SmoothPants. [SpongeBob and Kelpy play their instruments at the same time and the crowd loves it]

Squidward: This isn't fair. I should be on stage, not SpongeBob. I'm the mega-talent. I'll show you, Kelpy. [tries to play his clarinet, but security takes Squidward away] But I'm a musician!

Bubble Troubles [8.27a]

The Way of the Sponge [8.27b]

Fuzzy Acorns: Congratulations, Sandy. You've managed to put your opponent to sleep in under 1 minute. [lifts his finger, touches the wood, causing it to collapse, and waking Spongebob up] Too bad your opponent didn't put up a fight. I was prepared to give you the lowest of belts: a clear belt. But now I realized, you're unfit to wear a belt of any kind INCLUDING THE ONE THAT HOLDS UP YOUR PANTS! [snatches off Spongebob's belt, causing his pants to fall off]

Sandy: Don't be disappointed, SpongeBob. A belt isn't the most important thing in karate.

SpongeBob: [depressed] Easy for you to say, Sandy. Your pants aren't down around your ankles.

Fuzzy Acorns: And I'm revoking your black belt. [snatches Sandy's black belt right off]

Sandy: Hey. You can't do that.

Fuzzy Acorns: Oh yes, I can, for wasting my time, bringing me this SORRY EXCUSE FOR A STUDENT! Stick to something you're good at, son.

SpongeBob: Yes, sensei. [walks out of Sandy's house, while also having trouble staying up]

Sandy: That was pretty lowdown, Fuzzy. The way you humiliated my friend.

Fuzzy Acorns: The sponge one will never earn his belt.

Sandy: I know Spongebob will impress you if you give him one more chance.

Fuzzy Acorns: Silence. No more chances. Sensei never gives two chances. If you really want to impress me, show me where I can get a decent meal around here. Lunchtime approaches.

Sandy: That's it! [excited] I'll take him to the Krusty Krab and then, he might just find himself impressed by a certain sandwich maker.

Fuzzy Acorns: Who are you talking to?

Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob! I like my patty in twelfths, please!

SpongeBob: Okay! [spins the Krabby Patty around and perfectly chops it into twelve equal pieces.] There you go, Sandy!

Fuzzy Acorns: Huh!? Maybe "squishy boy" is more skilled than I first thought!

Sandy: Told ya!

Fuzzy Acorns: Not so fast, Squirrel Cheeks! The only way to truly know is to test him myself! [puts on a headband and jumps toward SpongeBob but SpongeBob walks away and Fuzzy Acorns goes through a table]

Harold: Hey, waiter! An empty plate!?

SpongeBob: [Fuzzy Acorns screams and charges at SpongeBob but SpongeBob, not knowing, chops him in the face] Oh! I forgot the fries! [heads into the kitchen]

Fuzzy Acorns: [follows SpongeBob into the kitchen] Now, I see you're a skilled opponent! With a cold-blooded heart of a warrior!

SpongeBob: [holding a Krabby Patty while also not paying attention to Fuzzy Acorns] Sigh... You little Krabby Patties are so cute! Hmm... something's not right here. [sniffs the Krabby Patty] It's the onions! They've gone bad! [throws all the onions away with most of them hitting Fuzzy Acorns]

Fuzzy Acorns: He's on the offensive! [falls into a barrel of trash] Time for you to end this! [walks on the ceiling and falls onto SpongeBob but gets attacked while SpongeBob was cutting up more onions]

Sandy: That's showing him, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob dashes out as Fuzzy Acorns lands on the grill] You gonna give him a belt Fuzzy? Or have you not had enough yet?

Fuzzy Acorns: You brought me to the dance, but the universe is cutting in!

Sandy: Huh?

SpongeBob: [grilling Krabby Patties] Okay, looking good!

Fuzzy Acorns: Sponge-Man! [charges at SpongeBob] Smell the vibrations! [lands onto SpongeBob's body, but gets tossed away]

SpongeBob: Make the fires! I almost forgot! [Fuzzy Acorns lands in a barrel of pickles]

Squidward: More Patties!

SpongeBob: Grilling them now! [puts more Patties on the grill and runs back to Harold and Debbie] Your fries, sir! [Fuzzy Acorns charges at SpongeBob once again and SpongeBob hands Frankie Billy's fries] And your fries, sir! Ketchup? [drops the ketchup bottle] Oops! [bends down to pick it up and Fuzzy Acorns misses overhead and crashes] Got it! Gasp! Fuzzy!

Sandy: Oh no!

SpongeBob: Sensei Fuzzy! You okay?

Fuzzy Acorns: I was wrong about you, SpongeBob. You have bested Fuzzy, with your karate greatness! [coughs and takes out a black belt] You are now a karate master!

SpongeBob: For me? Thanks, Sensei Fuzzy! Fuzzy? You look terrible! [shows a close up of Fuzzy's horrific face and he begins to behave strangely] Sandy, what's wrong with Fuzzy?

Sandy: I know what he needs! He just needs this! [puts an air helmet on Fuzzy's head]

Fuzzy Acorns: No more talk, only do! Sandy my dear, for holding your own against the sponge, you have truly proven yourself worthy of the Blacker Belt! [Sandy takes the blacker belt from him and she puts it around her suit]

Sandy and SpongeBob: Thanks, Fuzzy! [they watch as Fuzzy's pants fall down]

Fuzzy Acorns: Why must the universe confound me so!? [he, SpongeBob, Sandy, and the rest of the customers all share a laugh]

The Krabby Patty That Ate Bikini Bottom [8.28a]

Mr. Krabs: What better way to spend an afternoon than trolling the sea vent for spare change. [Then something tugs on Mr. Krabs' magnet] Whooh! [Mr. Krabs pulls and a giant pile of sand hangs from his magnet] There's got to be a small fortune than discarded paperclips in there! [The sand falls, only to reveal a second magnet. He then gets upset] I knew this place looked familiar. [Startles in surprise] What's this? Goodness, that must be Sandy's treedome dwelling, and inside looks to be the largest soybean I have ever laid me eyestalks on. Now this bears getting a closer look. [He rings the door bell on Sandy's treedome and Sandy opens it in her air suit] Good afternoon, Miss Sandy.

Sandy: And good afternoon to you Mr. Krabs. What brings you out to this fine neck of the woods?

Mr. Krabs: Well uh, I just happen to be in the neighborhood and was wondering if you could see you in clear and grace me with a comprehensive tour of your home sweet treedome. [chuckles] I hear the giant soybean is lovely this time of the year.

Sandy: Sure, lets get you fitted with a helmet.

Mr. Krabs: Don't bother yourself. As long as I keep me ole lungs moist, I can breath your fancy air all day long.

Sandy: Come on in then. [they go inside the treedome]

Bubble Buddy Returns [8.28b]

Restraining SpongeBob [8.29a]

Fiasco! [8.29b]

Are You Happy Now? [8.30a]

Planet of the Jellyfish [8.30b]

[SpongeBob and Sandy both walk outside the dome whistling as they walk up to a Jellien Clone]

Sandy: Greetings, fellow clone. I hate mayonnaise.

SpongeBob: I hate mayonnaise and mustard. [chuckles]

Jellien Fred: [looks suspiciously at SpongeBob] Hmm... [SpongeBob and Sandy both walk off whistling] I like mustard!

Free Samples [8.31a]

SpongeBob: [calling on loudspeaker] Krabby Patties, brand new Krabby Patty recipe, all new, all different, all delicious, try them for free!

Nazz: You can't be serious.

Frank: [sighs] I'm so hungry, I don't care, I gotta eat something.

Nazz: No! Wait!

Nat: [touches her shoulder] Let him go, it's too late.

SpongeBob: All new free Krabby Patties!

Frank: Hey, buddy, I'll try one. What have I got to lose? [everyone gasps as Frank eats half of the Krabby Patty] Dear Neptune Gill Sacks, this is the best thing I every put in my mouth! Yay! [Frank's shirt turns pink, then goes back to normal]

Nazz: Did he just say it was good?

Frank: [finishes the other half of the Krabby Patty] Woohoo! [Frank dances]

Nat: Wow, Frank never dances, it must be good!

[everyone eats the Krabby Patties, Henry-Bart's eyes turn into a thumbs up, money comes out of his skin]

Henry-Bart: I'm getting something this amazing for free! How much will this buy? [Henry-Bart throws money on SpongeBob]

Frank: Yum yum! Yum yum yum yum! Yum yuuuum! [goes like a rocket; to SpongeBob] Hey you, patty boy, take my wallet, I gotta have more! [Frank goes in the stand and takes two Krabby Patties]

Nat and Nazz: [their heads turn into arms and give a high-five] Now that's what I'm talking about! [their heads turn back to normal, they get a briefcase from their pockets]

Nat: Here's our life savings! Just give us more Krabby Patties! [Nat and Nazz dump the money on SpongeBob]

[cut to Plankton talking on a cellphone]

Plankton: Don't worry, Karen, I'll be home before lunch time. My mission here is accomplished. [laughs, and then a dollar bill lands on Plankton] Ooh. What the... huh?! [gasps]

SpongeBob: It's working!

Plankton: [to the customers] No, wait! What's going on? You hate Krabby Patties, remember?

Dump truck driver: Wowee, this thing is right tasty.

Plankton: [a dump truck prepares to dump money] Uh-oh. [the money lands on Plankton]

[a helicopter dumps a bag full of money on SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs is just walking and then a dollar lands on his nose. His eyes pop out and he screams so loudly, Plankton comes out of the money]

Mr. Krabs: [while running towards the mountain of money] Money, money, money, money, money, money! [Mr. Krabs jumps on the money and laughs]

SpongeBob: We did it, Mr. Krabs! We saved the Krusty Krab! All I did was sell the same old Krabby Patties, and call them new!

Mr. Krabs: Do you mind? I'm trying to make a money angel here.

SpongeBob: Ooh, money angels! Can I make one?

Mr. Krabs: Sure thing, SpongeBob. Hop in! [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob laugh. Plankton screams because Mr. Krabs is sitting on him] Did you hear that?

SpongeBob: Hear what?

Mr. Krabs: Hm. Good point. [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob continue laughing as the episode ends]

Home Sweet Rubble [8.31b]

[Patrick is dreaming he is in a large office room, silently fidgeting with objects on his desk. The phone beeps.]

Telephone Girl: Mr. Star, I have a SpongeBob SquarePants on line 3!

Patrick: Put him through. [answers the phone]

SpongeBob: [through phone] Patrick! [cut back to reality. Patrick wakes up] Patrick! Patrick Star!

Patrick: Oh, hey, buddy! You really need to clean up around here.

Mr. Krabs: [Mr. Krabs approaches SpongeBob from behind] SpongeBob, what are you doing here? You were supposed to be at work two hours ago! [cut to a massive line of customers at the Krusty Krab]

Frank: Hello? Anybody here? Hello?! [turns around to face the other customers] Do you guys know how to make a Krabby Patty?

Dave: No, but I do know how to open a cash register!

Karen 2.0 [8.32a]

[Mr, Krabs turns on Karen's monitor. Then Karen's screen shows Loading]

Mr. Krabs: She's loading up. Now let's see how this dial up thingy works. [places the telephone receiver on top of Karen and her screen shows an hourglass turning.] This thing does text mails right?

SpongeBob: Yeah, I think so.

[Karen's screen shows the words Karen Classic with her picture on it]

Mr. Krabs: Oh, that sounds promising.

[Karen starts crying on her screen and scaring Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob]

Mr. Krabs: Are computers supposed to emote!? No need to cry, little lady.

Karen: Don't tell me not to cry! [continues crying and scaring Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob again.]

Mr. Krabs: She's malfunctioning!

SpongeBob: Must be the dial-up thingy!

Mr. Krabs: You're right, must be interfering with her circuitry! [grabs the telephone and throws it against the wall destroying it in the process]

Karen: Oh, it's not the dial-up thingy. It's Plankton, he dumped me for a newer piece of hardware. [continues crying]

Mr. Krabs: Help me out here, buddy. [pushes SpongeBob next to Karen]

SpongeBob: Hey, there. Dry those computer tears. I'm sure you two will get back together. Plankton just need some time to realize how much he needs you. I mean, you guys were made for each other. Well, you were made more for him and more specifically by him, and now, he's built someone with more modern features who's better in every way. There's no- what was my point again?

Karen: [sobs] You men are all alike! [hops off Mr. Krabs' desk and onto her mobile body. She hops out of the box and then rolls out of the office.]

Mr. Krabs: Wait! Where ya goin’? Smooth, SpongeBob, real smooth.

InSPONGEiac [8.32b]

Face Freezeǃ [8.33a]

[The scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick are walking in somewhere of Bikini Bottom. Patrick smiles]

SpongeBob: Patrick! Don't even smile. That's considered making a face.

Patrick: Right, gotcha. [Patrick stop smiling] No problem. Not gonna make faces. No faces... at all.

SpongeBob: Yeah. This is... [gulps] easy. How you holding up?

Patrick: Huh, fine. You? [SpongeBob grunts, but makes an T-shaped face and laughs, Patrick fails to keep a straight face and makes an ugly face] Dun ah eeh. [both SpongeBob and him are laughing, SpongeBob suddenly stops and looks at his himself]

SpongeBob: Hey! [Patrick is still ignoring him while laughing] Patrick. [Patrick is still laughing. SpongeBob pulls out a megaphone and yells at him] Patrick!

Patrick: What?

SpongeBob: Look at us. We're okay. Our faces didn't freeze.

Patrick: [stretching through his eyes for a few times] Gosh, you're right.

SpongeBob: Guess, Mr. Krabs made a mistake. Well, now that we know his tall tale isn't true, let's make lots of faces.

Patrick: You mean like this? [stretching] Ree eeh eeh!

[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing both, SpongeBob growls]

Patrick: [laughs] Aye yi yi yi!

SpongeBob: [laughs] Aw!

[montage of SpongeBob and Patrick making grotesque faces]

Patrick: Phee!

SpongeBob: Ay yi yi yi yi yi!

Patrick: Dun ree ah yee!

SpongeBob: Doy doy doy doy!

Patrick: Ah ah ooh!

SpongeBob: Duh!

Patrick: Aydh!

SpongeBob: Awoot duh doo!

Patrick: Looo ooo ooo!

SpongeBob: Dah yah dah da dah! [he and Patrick both laugh]

Glove World R.I.P. [8.33b]

Squiditis [8.34a]

SpongeBob: [bursts into Mr. Krabs’ office] MR. KRABS!

Mr. Krabs: Neptune's Knee-highs, lad! How many times do I have to remind you to knock?!

SpongeBob: [knocking, emphasizing each syllable] MIS...TER...KRABS.

Demolition Doofus [8.34b]

Captain Lutefisk: Welcome to the Bikini Bottom Demolition Derby! Allow me to introduce our contestants! [Camera switches to a giant, muscular purple in a shark-like boat] First off, bane to crossing guards everywhere: The Kruncher! [Crowd cheers for The Kruncher] And from the darkest depths of the briney blue: Diving Bell Dan! [Diving Bell Dan pounds his chest] And of course, you know and admire: Blow Torch! [Blow Torch breathes out fire] And the funniest driver of all: The Cackling Cruiser! [The Cackling Crusier laughs] Now with introductions out of the way...[Notices SpongeBob drive up between the Kruncher and Blow Torch]...Oh! I almost forgot! [Laughs] The Squish!

Captain Lutefisk: Oh! Ooh! Le Squish turns it around with a rare face-tread maneuver!

Mrs. Puff: Why... are you still... ALIVE?!

SpongeBob: Put it in drive?! Thanks Mrs. Puff, You're the best!

Treats! [8.35a]

Factory Worker: We're closed! Do I have to spell it out for you? C-S-L-O-S-Z-E-D. Cuh-losed! Not only that, but the very last box of Snail Bites shipped out days ago! They were such a hit they flew out of the stores and now, we've run out of ingredients! From what I hear, the owner even dropped out of the snail food business entirely! Yeah and why wouldn't he, huh? He's made his money!

SpongeBob: You see, Gary? There are no more-

Factory Worker: I mean, it's not like I would do the same thing if I were in his shoes!

SpongeBob: So, you see, Gary, there...

Factory Worker: Why would anybody go out punishing themselves, just for the sake of the happiness of a few pets or...

SpongeBob: Would you mind being quiet for one second, please!

Factory Worker: Sorry.

For Here or to Go [8.35b]

Super Evil Aquatic Villain Team Up is Go! [8.37a]

Plankton: Can we please steal the secret formula now? Pretty please, Man Ray?

Man Ray: I MUST HAVE MORE! [starts to pound on the table] Bring me more Krabby Patties! Bring more Krabby Patties! [shoots roof with laser gun]

SpongeBob: [he and Squidward are scared by his acts before SpongeBob stands in front] Stand aside, Squidward. I'm gonna be my own hero. [slides into the kitchen, and runs out to Man Ray with hundreds of Krabby Patties] Thank you, sir! Enjoy your meal.

Man Ray: At last! [starts to eat the Krabby Patties]

Plankton: Alright, fine! I'll just steal the secret formula myself! [grabs Man Ray's laser gun] Oh, and Man Ray, this friendship is OVER! [Man Ray burps, which causes Plankton to drop the gun]

Man Ray: [is now obese after eating too much Krabby Patties. He holds one last uneaten Krabby Patty] No... no... no more... can't... eat... [drops the last Patty] another... [chair breaks, and Man Ray falls on the floor]

Mermaid Man: [he and Barnacle Boy walk through the burnt-down door] There he is! [they cuff Man Ray] Alright, Man Ray, lunch time's over!

Man Ray: [surprised] WHAT?! How did you two know I was here?

Barnacle Boy: A little sponge told us. [they pull Man Ray away]

Man Ray: This wasn't supposed to happen...

Mr. Krabs: [rolls out a very long bill] Here you go, Plankton.

Plankton: What's this?

Mr. Krabs: It's the bill. For your partner. [he, SpongeBob, and Squidward laugh as the episode ends]

Chum Fricassee [8.37b]

[Meanwhile, the line keeps getting longer and longer and Squidward continues to serve his Chum Fricassee to his customers and fans]

Squidward: Here you go, folks. Enjoy my world famous Fricassee. [All of a sudden, someone bursts through the front door which turns out to be Squidward's grandmother and she's not very happy] Grandma!?

Grandma Tentacles: [enters the restaurant and corners her grandson by the kitchen doors] Someone's been cooking my recipe, [sniffs] and they're doing it wrong!

Squidward: What are you doing here?

Grandma Tentacles: Saving my recipe from my bumbling grandson. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker]

Squidward: Ow! I didn't do it! Uh, uh, it was him! [points to Plankton]

[Plankton is seen exiting the kitchen with the plate of chum and hears what Squidward said about him, becomes furious. He throws the plate of chums in rage and pins the blame back on Squidward.]

Plankton: What?! Oh, you're not pinning this on me! You said you didn't care if it was ready or not!

Squidward: [fearfully] Ok, I admit it! I admit it! But—but—but what's the big deal? [Grandma Tentacles crushes his foot with her walker for second time] Ow!

Grandma Tentacles: The big deal is when the chum is not cooked for exactly 24 hours, it causes severe tummy trouble.

[Listening to Grandma Tentacles, customers form a mob. The customers are enraged by what they're hearing to Grandma Tentacles.]

Male Fish: You fed us undercooked chum?!

Grandma Tentacles: Tear him apart, people! [The fancy customers form a mob and start to attack Squidward and Plankton. They do an uproar, following what his grandmother says.]

Fred: I've had it, and I'm not gonna take it anymore! [Fred picks up a trash can, then throws it on a table. Other customers throw their chum meals on the ground and on the wall of the Chum Bucket. Another customer rips apart of an awning. Frank grabs a napkin holder, throwing napkins on the floor. Plankton pops up near the napkins.]

Plankton: Not the napkins! [Frank doesn't listen to Plankton.]

Angry Mob: [An axe chops Squidward's picture in half.] He got what he deserves, that's what I say! [Else where in the exterior of Le Chum Bucket, it bursts into flames caused by the mob. As the restaurant is on fire, the customers run out of the bucket building.] It's on fire! It's all burning! Run! [the fire incinerates the restaurant, leaving only Plankton and Squidward standing with charred faces]

Plankton: My restaurant! [begins crying]

Squidward: My fan base! [Squidward also starts sobbing]

Grandma Tentacles: I hope you learned your lesson, genius. [crushes Squidward's foot with her walker for third time as a punishment for his selfishness and wrongful acts]

Squidward: Ow! [cries along with Plankton in despair]

SpongeBob: [cuts to the Krusty Krab] Gee, Mr. Krabs. It sure was nice of you to hire Squidward back. Especially since he tried to destroy your business and all.

Mr. Krabs: I figure it's the least I can do for him. After causing all that mayhem over at the Chum Bucket, in fact, I promoted him. He's our new doormat!

Squidward: No! [laying on the floor like a doormat as punishment for their humiliation] Living the dream! [Moaning and groaning, some customers who destroyed the Chum Bucket wipe their feet on Squidward and the episode ends.]

The Good Krabby Name [8.38a]

Move It or Lose It [8.38b]

[Meanwhile, cut to SpongeBob putting mayonnaise in a box, then taping it up, then cut to Mr. Krabs putting down a clock as a bulldozer arrives.]

Mr. Krabs: [sad] It's time. [goes outside on the street and waits for the truck to stop in front of him]

State officer: [puts one of the bulldozer's windows down] So, who's getting bulldozed today?

Plankton: [with the clipboard] Oh, not me, your bureaucraticness. I completed my petition. [Mr. Krabs is worried]

State officer: The people have spoken. Step aside, Mr. Krabs. [Part of the bulldozer smokes fire out.]

Mr. Krabs: But... but... [as he backs up, the bulldozer follows him, towards the Krusty Krab.; angry] No! I'm not going anywhere!

State officer: Please comply, Mr. Krabs. It'll be quick and painless.

Mr. Krabs: If you wanna bulldoze me restaurant, [locks himself up] it's gonna be long and painful!

SpongeBob: [is seen at the top of the restaurant, also locked up; angry] Stand your ground, Mr. Krabs! We are right behind you, right, Squidward? [the lock is empty] Squidward?

[Squidward is outside his home, with an umbrella on top of him, sitting on a chair, and drinking a cup of tea, happily.]

State officer: [moves his bulldozer closer to the restaurant] Okay, now this is really your last chance.

Mr. Krabs: [still angry] I'm never leaving the Krusty Krab!

State officer: Fine. Have it your way. [pushes a lever]

Plankton: [chuckles evilly, while setting up himself a movie theater seat, then sits on it] Bring it on! Bring the destruction! [munches on popcorn]

Mr. Krabs: [part of the bulldozer smokes more fire out, and the bulldozer starts to move even closer to the restaurant.; sad] Goodbye, Krusty Krab! [As he closes his eyes, the bulldozer begins to move the restaurant, but only moves 1 foot.; confused] Eh?

State officer: Thank you for your cooperation.

Plankton: [spits the popcorn out, angry] What?! Excuse me, sir, but, uh... [stands on the seat] you forgot to level the place!

Mr. Krabs: [confused] Uhh... yeah.

State officer: Demolition is outside of my purview. I simply ensure that restaurants comply with the 100 foot ordinance. [measures the distance with a tape measure and says the 1 foot on it] That's 1 more foot. Perfect! [walks away from the restaurant]

Plankton: [jumping on the seat, still angry] But that's not fair! [slips inside and the seat closes on him]

SpongeBob: So you're not gonna destroy the Krusty Krab?

State officer: No, I--

SpongeBob: [jumps inside the bulldozer, hugging the state officer] Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! [as the state officer accidentally pulls the lever, the truck goes backwards. He and SpongeBob look out the window and are in shock as they are heading towards the Chum Bucket] Oh, dear. [the bulldozer crashes through the Chum Bucket, destroying it]

Plankton: [Meanwhile, he's free from the seat after struggling to.; still angry] Come on! Let's do this! I wanna see some destruction! [as he gasps, he finally sees the destroyed Chum Bucket] I think I've seen enough. [goes back inside the seat as the episode ends]