Your Shoe's Untied [2.1a]

[SpongeBob's feet are stomped into the floor of the Krusty Krab]

Patrick: SpongeBob, you're shorter. Have you been dieting?

SpongeBob: Heh, well, a sponge has to look his spongiest. [walks to the kitchen putting a line of holes in the floor with his feet] Well, I've gotta get to work.

[SpongeBob is shown crawling into his pineapple.]

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Not now, Gary.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: I'm not in the mood, Gary.

Gary: Meow. [the scene changes to SpongeBob's bedroom. Off-Screen] Meow.

SpongeBob: [crawls into bed] Just leave me and me untied shoes alone, Gary. [Gary roars like a lion, knocking SpongeBob off the bed and onto the floor] Okay, Gary, you have my attention.

Gary: Meow. [ties SpongeBob's shoes]

SpongeBob: [gasps] Gary! Well, I'll be! You can tie shoes! [Gary shows himself wearing shoes that look like old-style bowling shoes, under his shell] Hoppin' clams! How did you learn to do that? [Gary's shell opens revealing a record. The song, Loop Dee Loop by Ween starts and SpongeBob starts dancing]

Ween: ♪Wanna learn how to tie your shoe? [the scene changes to show SpongeBob in a classroom wearing a teacher's outfit and on the chalkboard there are sketches of shoes]

It's a very easy thing to do. [Gary appears on a stool. SpongeBob puts on his glasses and taps the board with his pointer]

Just sit on down [Patrick appears in the desk next to SpongeBob] and I'll give you the scoop, [Patrick holds out an ice cream cone and SpongeBob gives him a tied shoe that looks like SpongeBob's shoe. Patrick looks surprised]

What's that? [the scene changes to show the words "Loop Dee Loop" in shoelaces and SpongeBob pulls on two of the aglets] It's called the loop-dee-loop.

[the scene changes to show SpongeBob's leg with an untied shoe] You gotta take a lace in each hand, [two SpongeBobs hold an aglet in one of each's hands goes up and past the screen. The scene changes again to show the SpongeBobs crossing each other's paths] You go over and under again.

[the SpongeBobs come back around under the cross path that they made. The go upward and past the screen. They come back and pass each other's path one more time] You make a loop-dee-loop and [the scene changes to show a small SpongeBob tying the lace of a big SpongeBob's shoe] pull. And your shoes are [the Big SpongeBob is shown wearing a top hat and giant shoes. He takes his hat off and kicks the newly tied shoe. It flies off] lookin' cool.

[the scene changes to show a SpongeBob multiplying into multiple SpongeBobs and follows the lyrics] You go over and back, left to right, Loop-dee-loop [the scene changes to show SpongeBob holding his laces while jumping] and you pull 'em tight, [the scene changes to show SpongeBob with a bunny toy] Like bunny ears [a present appears] or a Christmas bow, [the bunny toy becomes a bunny slipper and SpongeBob is seen wearing it and the present as shoes] Lace 'em up and you're ready to go.

[SpongeBob runs out of the scene. The scene changes to show SpongeBob jumping off of a tight rope wire swing thing. He stops and spins around and then falls] You make a loop-dee-loop and pull, [the scene changes to show SpongeBob and Gary falling into a giant shoe that looks like SpongeBob's shoe] And your shoes are lookin' cool.

[SpongeBob pulls on the laces and wings appear on both sides of the shoe and the shoe plane takes off. The scene changes to show the plane passing giant tied shoe laces. The shoe plane hits a roller coaster track and the wings fall off and it becomes a roller coaster car] You make a loop-dee-loop and pull, [the shoe falls off of the track and lands on the ground] And your shoes are lookin' cool.♪ [SpongeBob and Gary pop out of the shoe and the episode ends]

Squid's Day Off [2.1b]

French Narrator: Ah, beautiful springtime, a time for fun and frolic for most, [the scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, zooming in and then right at the front door. Squidward is there] but not for this poor slob. [referring to Squidward]

Squidward: Oh, what a beautiful day and here I am trapped in a prison of high cholesterol. [the bell dings] No one ever comes in on Sunday. [the bell dings again] Why can't Mr. Krabs just let us go home? [the bell dings again. Squidward gets angry and growling into SpongeBob. The scene changes to to SpongeBob ringing a bell, set on the order window. Squidward runs up to SpongeBob] SpongeBob, stop ringing this bell! [picks it up and slams it on the bottom of the order window]

SpongeBob: I was just testing it. [Squidward leans through the order window getting in SpongeBob's face]

Squidward: I will ring the bell when there's an order. But... [the scene zooms out to show that the restaurant is empty] There's no customers! There hasn't been one all day and there isn't gonna be any! [struggles to pick up the cash register, but successfully does so and he slams it down making a bell noise]

SpongeBob: One Krabby Patty coming up!

Squidward: NO-!

[The register drawer shoots open, knocking Squidward out of the way. A bunch of coins fall onto the floor. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' office where Mr. Krabs is writing something on a sheet of paper and he stops to hear the money dropping.]

Mr. Krabs: That sounds like me money dropping. [the scene changes to show the outside of the office and Squidward is picking up the coins. Mr. Krabs opens his office door] What's going on out here?! My babies! [runs up to Squidward and shoves him away] Get away, you barbarian! What have you done? Nice clean money... soiled! [scoops up the coins in his claws] I'll take care of ya. Let papa clean ya up. [the scene changes to show a long shot of SpongeBob staring out from the order window] Clear the way! [runs into the kitchen and starts washing them off in the sink] No, no, no, don't cry, little ones.

SpongeBob: What's wrong, Mr. Krabs? [Mr. Krabs gets startled and throws the dimes in the air. One dime rolls into the sink and starts to roll towards the sink drain]

Mr. Krabs: Me dime! [the dime rolls around the sink drain. Just as it seems like it's about to fall down the drain, it flips over facing away from the drain. Mr. Krabs gives a sigh of relief. Then the dime jumps, winks, and goes down the drain] No! [grabs the dime in the drain] I got it, boy! [tries to take his claw out] What the? It's stuck! You gotta help me, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: You've gotta let go of the dime.

Mr. Krabs: I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy. There's got to be another way! Grab me captain's quarters and heave! [SpongeBob pulls on Mr. Krabs from behind a couple times until Mr. Krabs gets thrown back without his arms] Me arms!

SpongeBob: Oh no, not again!

[Mr. Krabs hits the wall, the impact causing the shelf above him to slant and drop a pot, a glass, a pan, a mug, a treasure chest, an anchor, a buoy, and a scuba suit on his head. A giant bump rises up on Mr. Krabs' head and then a dime falls on it, causing Mr. Krabs to fall over and black out.]

Something Smells [2.2a]

Patrick: Okay, now... say it. [SpongeBob hesitates] Say it.

SpongeBob: I can't.

Patrick: SpongeBob, you're never going to feel better till you get this thing off your chest. [we see SpongeBob has a alien-like leech sucking on his chest]

SpongeBob: I know, Patrick. [pulls it off and throws it aside]

Patrick: Say it. Say it...

SpongeBob: I'm ugly.

Patrick: You're ugly and what?

SpongeBob: Square?

Patrick: No, proud.

SpongeBob: I'm ugly and I'm proud.

Patrick: Good! Say it louder.

SpongeBob: [louder] I'm ugly and I'm proud.

Patrick: Louder.

SpongeBob: [louder] I'm ugly and I'm proud!

Patrick: Louder!

SpongeBob: I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD! [pan over to Squidward's roof, where he's tanning] I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD!! I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD!!

Squidward: Is that what he calls it?

[As we cut back to the pineapple rooftop, SpongeBob is breathing heavily]

SpongeBob: That felt great! I feel empowered.

Patrick: So whaddya wanna do now?

SpongeBob: I don't know. How about a movie?

Bossy Boots [2.2b]

Pearl: SpongeBob, what do you like better? The Kutie Krab or the Kooky Krab?

Squidward: For what, dare I ask?

Pearl: The new name for our new look. I mean, "The Krusty Krab" has got to go. Who wants to eat at a place they think is crusty? Bleh.

Squidward: Well, sure it's a terrible name, but this is a terrible place. Therefore, the name should be left alone. Right, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: I got it. How about The Khaotic Krab?

Pearl: How about The Kissy Krab? [smooches]

SpongeBob: [dressed as a king] The King Krab.

Pearl: [holds up a lollipop] The Kandy Krab.

SpongeBob: [dressed like a beat poet] The Kool Krab. [dressed as a cowboy] Or the Kowboy Krab. [stretched out] The Kurly Krab. [dressed as a mad scientist] The Kreepy Krab. [dressed as a crazy killer jungle man] THE KILLER KRAB!!

Pearl: [gasps] No!

SpongeBob: You're right, too scary.

[Pause]

SpongeBob and Pearl: The Kuddly Krab! [hug and laugh]

Big Pink Loser [2.3a]

[Patrick showing SpongeBob his award]

SpongeBob: [reading award caption] "For outstanding achievement in achievement" - 'SpongeBob SquarePants'?

Patrick: "SpongeBob SquarePants"? That's a funny way to spell my name.

SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick, I think the award is for me. You must have got it by mistake.

Patrick: [sadly] But, it's shiny!

SpongeBob: Yeah, but, you know what else is shiny?

Patrick: Ice cream!

SpongeBob: Exactly!

Patrick: I can find it! Is it in here?

SpongeBob: No, don't! That's my- [Patrick opens the door and an enormous pile of trophies tumble out] ...award closet.

Patrick: [tearing up] I want an award!

SpongeBob: [pops up with prized ribbons on his eyes] Aw, Patrick, don't cry.

[Patrick cries]

[The phone rings, Patrick picks up the receiver]

Male Caller 1: [on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?

Patrick: No, this is Patrick. [hangs up and whistles; the phone rings again, picks it up again]

Female Caller: [on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?

Patrick: No, this is Patrick. [hangs up again, continues to whistle, the phone rings, picks it up again]

Male Caller 2: [on the phone] Is this the Krusty Krab?

Patrick: NO!!! THIS IS PATRICK!!! [slams phone back onto hook] I'm not a Krusty Krab.

SpongeBob: Uhh, Patrick, that's the name of the restaurant.

Patrick: Huh? FISHPASTE!

[Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Patrick at the grill frying patties. They both whistle to the tune of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat", then stop, and they both wipe their foreheads.]

SpongeBob and Patrick: Whew! [SpongeBob drops his spatula]

SpongeBob: [laughs] Dropped my spatula. [bends down to pick it up]

Patrick: Uhh, me too. [drops his spatula and bends down to pick it up]

[SpongeBob and Patrick bend back up and SpongeBob takes off his hat, then Patrick takes off his, they both put their hats back on, then they both put their hands on the grill; Patrick's hand burns after a few seconds]

Patrick: Owwww!

SpongeBob: Aha! [shows the fake hand] You're copying me!

Patrick: Yes.

SpongeBob: Why are you doing that?

Patrick: So I can win an award like you.

SpongeBob: Well, it's annoying, so stop it!

Patrick: Stop it. [both imitate the others facial expressions]

SpongeBob: Say, you're good.

Patrick: Thanks.

SpongeBob and Patrick: Ha! Darn. [both look at each other with suspicion, while rubbing their chins. They later watch each other as they dance to "Mary had a Little Lamb"] Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as... PICKLE FISH LIPS!!!!! [both cover their mouths] Seaweavel. [both cover their mouths again] Yorgyshmorgies. [both cover their mouths yet again]

SpongeBob: [in his head] At least I'm safe inside my mind.

Patrick: [in his head; as SpongeBob realizes that he wasn't safe in his mind] At least I'm safe inside my mind.

[SpongeBob and Patrick then scream in panic and run out of the Krusty Krab.]

SpongeBob: Stop copying me!

Patrick: There's no award for that!

Squidward: [leaning against the Krusty Krab sign pole, reading a newspaper, a Krusty Krab hat falls near him] Well, I guess it's safe to go in now. [puts his hat back on and walks back in]

SpongeBob: [he and Patrick are still running] Patrick, how long are you gonna keep this up?

Patrick: Until I have as many awards as you.

SpongeBob: We'll see about that!

Patrick: No, we won't.

SpongeBob: [takes out a jump-rope] I'm the jump-rope champion of Bikini Bottom.

Patrick: Me too. [takes out a jump-rope]

SpongeBob: Oh, yeah? I call this one: The Slice N' Dice. [crosses his arms and jump-ropes while Patrick tries to imitate but ties himself up with his rope] Ha! Not a scratch on me. [his body breaks down into pieces, which later hop away]

Patrick: Oh, no, you don't! [squeezes the rope on himself breaking his body down into smaller pieces, then he and SpongeBob repeatedly hit their heads with a hammer]

SpongeBob: Not much fun being me, now, huh, Patrick?

Patrick: Are you kidding? I used to do this [SpongeBob stops hammering his head but Patrick does not notice] way before I started copying you. [Patrick hits himself faster and too hard, he stops and gets dizzy...] Wheeeee-eeeeeyeeehhh-eeeeh. [...as trophies appear and spin around his head, tweeting like birds. He falls on the ground; SpongeBob laughs and runs into Patrick's rock painted as SpongeBob's house; SpongeBob gets angry and steam comes out of his head] My turn! [runs into the pineapple rock as SpongeBob quickly runs into his real house]

Patrick: What's so great about being a big pink loser?

Bubble Buddy [2.3b]

Squidward: Here, one of everything! No cheese, no crust, no pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce, and farm-raised tomatoes, carnival style! And if there is anything else I can do, please hesitate to ask.

Francis: He kept us waiting for a bubble?

Larry: That's nothing! He called us fat! [begins crunching on celery stalks along with others]

Pearl: [crying as she shows her clean flipper] He washed my flipper!

Mr. Krabs: [storming up] He owes me money!

Squidward: [following Mr. Krabs] He made me provide excellent service!

Scooter: [appears with a halo and angel clothing on] Dudes! He made me experience high tide! [floats up towards the surface while laughing]

Tom: He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!

Protesters: He did?

Tom: No... But are we just gonna wait around until he does?

Mr. Krabs: I say we tip somethin' over! [all yelling]

Lifeguard: [everyone tips the lifeguard stand] Hey!

Protester: Now what?

Protesters: Get the lifeguard! [they go to the lifeguard, but Squidward stops them]

Squidward: Wait! Don't waste this senseless violence on him! It's that stupid bubble of SpongeBob's that's causing all the problems! [holds up a needle] Who's with me?

Protesters: [all hold a needle] Pop the bubble!

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III [2.4a]

Man Ray: [sits on the floor with a hand over his face, pretending to cry] Boo-hoo-hoo. Oh, sob. Oh, cry. [peeks through his fingers to see if SpongeBob and Patrick are watching] Oh, woe is me. You don't know what it's like, being evil for so long. Oh, how I wish to be good. If only some kind heroes would show me the path to decency.

[SpongeBob and Patrick beam at one another]

SpongeBob: We could teach you how to be good and then we'll let you go.

Man Ray: Oh, that would be fantastic. [to himself] I'll fake my way through this, just like I did in high school.

[Patrick is angry and severely injured because of Man Ray]

SpongeBob: Alright, goodness lesson number three. Uh, let's see.

Patrick: [grabs the remote] I've got one. I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100. What is it?

Man Ray: Um... 62?

Patrick: Wrong! [pushes button]

Squirrel Jokes [2.4b]

SpongeBob: Hey, why does it take more than one squirrel to change a lightbulb?

Fish: Why?

SpongeBob: Because, they're so darn stupid.

SpongeBob: [He is seen dried up] Sandy! I need wa...

Sandy: Oh that's right! You are a sea critter. Now what was that thing sea critters need? Ummm... Let's see. Sea critters need [Close up to Sandy's Adams Apple going up and down. SpongeBob is now dried up]

SpongeBob: Waaaaa..[Sandy covers his mouth]

Sandy: Oh wait. Don't tell me. I know this one.

SpongeBob: Waaaaaaaaaa

Sandy: A wallet? A watch? Waffle?

SpongeBob: Sandy! Water!

Sandy: [Shows him a hose] Well, why didn't you just say so? [Chuckles as she puts the hose head in SpongeBob's mouth] Here you go. Yep, us squirrels sure is stupid. [She then turns on the hose. A big squirt of water goes into SpongeBob's mouth.] Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

SpongeBob: [Starts to absorb the water.] Sandy.

Sandy: [Not listening to him] Squirrels is dumb.

SpongeBob: [Grows big due to him absorbing lots of water.] Sandy. Okay, Sandy, I get it.

SpongeBob: No more squirrel jokes

Dying For Pie [2.6a]

Mr. Krabs: So, are you ready?

Squidward: To go home?

Mr. Krabs: No, to exchange gifts for Employee Brotherhood Day.

Squidward: Mr. Krabs, you pay me to stand behind this register, and take orders, and give change. But you could never pay me enough to act brotherly towards that guy. [points to SpongeBob]

Squidward: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!

SpongeBob: Well, since we've finished everything on the list, I thought I'd make up a new one. I already filled up this book with ideas. [holds up a book that says Friends 4ever] We should be able to finish by January.

Squidward: FORGET THE BOOK! [slaps the book away] I spent the whole day with you doing all kinds of ridiculous things because you were supposed to EXPLODE!

SpongeBob: You want me to explode?

Squidward: Yes, that's what I've been waiting for!

SpongeBob: Okay, I'll try. [strains himself] GARY!!!! YOU ARE GONNA FINISH YOUR DESSERT, AND YOU ARE GONNA LIKE IT!!!! [laughs] Now it's your turn.

Squidward: [yells, hops up and down furiously] THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU BARNACLEHEAD!!!

SpongeBob: [claps] Ooh, good one.

Squidward: NO! You're supposed to explode into a million pieces! [flaps his arms]

SpongeBob: Why would I do that?

Squidward: Because the pie you ate was a bomb!

SpongeBob: What pie?

Squidward: The one I left sitting on the counter this morning that I bought from pirates for 25 bucks, and I didn't know it was a bomb, and you ate it...THAT PIE!

SpongeBob: OH, you mean this pie! [takes out the same pie]

Squidward: Huh?

SpongeBob: I was saving it in my pocket for us to share. Let’s eat. [trips on a rock] Oops.

[The pie flies into Squidward's face, causing an explosion in Bikini Bottom the size of an atomic bomb]

Squidward: Ouch.

Imitation Krabs [2.6b]

Robot Krabs: Okay, now let's hear that formula.

SpongeBob: Sorry, no can do, Mr. Krabs.

Robot Krabs: [his eyes are now on fire] WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Plankton: But we did everything you said! I followed all the rules! I even ate 105 black licorice jellybeans through a straw!

Wormy [2.7a]

Mr. Krabs: What's the meaning of this, SpongeBob?!

SpongeBob: We're in serious danger. There's a-a-a...a monster out there.

Mr. Krabs: Is it a paying customer?

SpongeBob: Oh no, Mr. Krabs. It doesn't want to eat Krabby Patties. It wants to eat you!

Patrick: [crying] Just like it ate Wormy!

Squidward: Um, Wormy? [SpongeBob and Patrick cry]

SpongeBob: Why? Why? He was so young.

Patrick: We’ll never forget you, Wormy.

Squidward: Well, if Moron Theater's over, I think I'll just take a look at this "monster."

Patty Hype [2.7b]

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, are you angry too?

Patrick: Yeah.

SpongeBob: What's the matter?

Patrick: I can't see my forehead. What's your problem?

SpongeBob: I got a good idea, and no one else thinks so!

Mr. Krabs: I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready... for me money. [the crowd gathers around him] Welcome to Pretty Patties. May I take your money?

Franco: We want a refund, Krabs! [crowd form a mob while yelling and protesting in agreement]

Mr. Krabs: Who, huh, what?

Gus: Your dumb Pretty Patties turned my face purple! [shows his purple face]

Scottish Man: Look what I got under me kilt! [raises his kilt to reveal a plaid body, and white underwear]

Clay, John & Frank: And look at our tongues!

[They show Mr. Krabs their respective tongues. They each show a yellow tongue, an orange tongue with green spots, and a tongue that just looks normal]

Mr. Krabs: What's wrong with you?

Frank: [turns off a light to reveal his tongue is glow-in-the-dark green] We want our money back. All 46,853 of us. [turns the light back on, but Mr. Krabs is gone]

Harold: Hey, where'd he go?

[Mr. Krabs screams and runs, and the crowd chasing him makes a rainbow road]

Survival of the Idiots [2.8a]

SpongeBob: [as Dirty Dan; in a southern voice] Alright Pinhead, your time is up.

Patrick: [as Pinhead Larry; with a looney, bucktooth face] Who you callin' Pinhead? I wanna be Dirty Dan!

SpongeBob: What makes you think you can be Dirty Dan?

Patrick: I'm Dirty... [SpongeBob hits him with a baseball bat made of snow] Dan!

SpongeBob: I say I'm Dirty Dan.

Patrick: [rushes to get a spiked-bat made of snow] I say I'm Dirty Dan.

SpongeBob: [hits Patrick] I say I'm Dirty Dan.

Patrick: [hits SpongeBob] I'm Dirty Dan!

SpongeBob: I'm Dirty Dan!

Patrick: I'm Dirty Dan!

[They continue to hit each other while saying "I'm Dirty Dan!". The commotion wakes Sandy up.]

Patrick: I'm Dirty Dan! [SpongeBob screams in horror] Screaming will get you nowh-

[Sandy grabs the top of Patrick's head and rips it off, huffing and growling as she stands behind Patrick, towering over him with sharpened teeth bared in a snarl]

Sandy: WHICH ONE OF YOU FELLERS IS THE REAL DIRTY DAN?

Patrick: Uh... I am?

[Sandy immediately slaps Patrick so hard that he's sent flying across the dome, screaming]

SpongeBob: PATRICK!

[Patrick slams against the dome hard enough to leave a dent and little drumsticks float around his head]

Patrick: [dazed] Hot wings...

Sandy: OKAY, PINHEAD LARRY! NOW YOU GET YOURS!

[SpongeBob's pupils shrink; SpongeBob screams and and jumps away, barely escaping being crushed by Sandy's fist.]

Sandy: PIIIINHEEEEAAAAAAD!!!!!

Patrick: Okay, SpongeBob, you can be Dirty Dan. I just wanna be Patrick.

SpongeBob: Let's get out of here before Sandy wakes up again!

[They run to the door and SpongeBob tries to open it, but his hands slip off the wheel and accidentally hits Patrick in the face]

Patrick: Ouch!

SpongeBob: Sorry, Patrick, but the door is slippery! It's frozen shut!

Patrick: Let me have a try. [he goes up to the door and spits on both hands, preparing to open the door] Open sesame! [nothing happens] Well, I've done all I can do.

SpongeBob: Then we're stuck in here... until the door thaws... in spring.

Patrick: Barnacles.

Sandy: [screams as all the fur comes off her]

SpongeBob: It's okay, Sandy! Squirrel pattern baldness is quite common in small mammals!

Sandy: [ticked off] SPONGEBOB!!!!! PATRICK!!!!!

SpongeBob: Don't worry, Sandy. We've got you covered.

Dumped [2.8b]

Patrick: Would it be all right if Gary and I did some laundry over here?

SpongeBob: Laundry? But we used to do laundry!

Patrick: And, uh... SpongeBob, could we borrow some soap?

SpongeBob: [on the verge of breaking down] Soap? But we used to use soap! [holds up two different types of soap] Do you want Fresh Scent or Heavy Du... Du...

Patrick: Here it comes.

SpongeBob: ...Du... Du... Du.... [breaks out in a fountain of tears, each falling into the separate soapboxes and lathering them up in his hand] ...TYYYYYYYY!!! GARY, PLEASE COME BACK GARY! GARY, PLEASE COME HOME! I'M A WRECK WITHOUT YOU!!! [stops crying] I know! If you come back, there'll be a new no-rules rule. You can do whatever you want, when you want! [runs up to the sofa and tears it up furiously] If you feel like rippin' the sofa, then you rip it up! [runs up to the litter box] And the litter box? Forget about it! [he dumps the litter on his head] The world is your litter box! [he runs to the fridge and opens it] And you don't even have to wait around for me to feed you anymore! 24-hour fridge access! [he takes a milk carton and drinks it] And you don't even have to use a bowl! [he runs to a giant carving of Squidward] And I know how much you like my prized driftwood carving of Squidward. [scratches at it] Well, think of it as your own personal scratching post! What do you think, Gary? Won't it be fun, Gary? [we see SpongeBob has carved Squidward into a heart]

Patrick: How pathetic.

SpongeBob: Gary? [the heart breaks in half and one half hits him. The two walk to the laundry room]

Patrick: [patronisingly] I'm sorry, SpongeBob. But Gary's with me now. You had your chance and you failed. You have to stop living in the past. Face it, SpongeBob, you're only hurting yourself. [he takes off his shorts and puts them in the machine; Gary crawls in after them] It's what Gary wants, and what Gary wants is me. Right, Gary? Huh? [the two notice Gary is in the machine, nudging in Patrick's shorts] He only liked me for my shorts!

SpongeBob: No, Patrick. He wanted the cookie in your pocket! [Gary is indeed eating the cookie. He finishes and crawls out up to SpongeBob]

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: G-G-Gary? [Gary burps and happily meows] Whee! [hugs Gary] Oh, Gary, I knew you'd never leave me! Aww... [giggles, he takes his leash] Let's go for a walk, pal! [the two walk out of the house and Patrick is left alone heartbroken and devastated]

Patrick: Gary? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL...! [the episode ends]

Grandma's Kisses [2.9a]

[SpongeBob slowly closes the door of grandma's house, but then slams it with a sad look on his face. He starts throwing a tantrum.]

SpongeBob: I DON'T WANNA GROW UP! I want cookies! [holds a big cookie and snaps it in half in front of his face] And milky! [holds a giant milk bottle, then comes up with a sweater] I want a sweater with love in the stitches! I wanna wear diapers! [comes up with a diaper on and puts some baby powder into it] I wanna ride in my wagon! [rides in a wagon, then holds a big teddy bear] I wanna cuddle-wuddle with Mr. Stuffykins! I wanna rockey-rock my seahorsey! [rocks on his wooden seahorse with a hat and a lollipop] And I want a kissy on my boo-boo! [shows his bruised finger]

[SpongeBob starts crying hysterically. He lies on the floor and cries while slamming his fists against the ground and then rolls like a wheel. Grandma looks at him sadly. SpongeBob then sits on the floor as his eyes pour tears into his mouth. Grandma thinks for a second. SpongeBob then starts crying like a sprinkler, flooding the entire house.]

Grandma: Take it easy, SpongeBob! [picks up SpongeBob, who is still crying] SpongeBob? SpongeBob! [she holds SpongeBob's mouth, stopping him from crying] SpongeBob, you don't have to be a baby to get all of Grandma's love.

SpongeBob: [sniff] I don't?

Grandma: Of course not. [pushes a cork in the floor and all SpongeBob's tears drain out] No matter how big you get, you will always be my little baby boo, and remember, you can kiss your grandma and still be an adult. [hands SpongeBob his sideburns and a chocolate chip cookie] Here you go. [SpongeBob puts on his sideburns and eats the cookie]

SpongeBob: Thanks, Grandma. [bites the cookie] Uh, Grandma, could you not mention this to the guys down at the Krusty Krab?

Grandma: No problem. [hugs SpongeBob. Outside, Squidward and everyone else are laughing as the episode ends]

Squidville [2.9b]

Squidward: SpongeBob, this is the final straw. I'm going to move so far away that I will be able to brag about it. I would... [a piece of debris from his house falls on his head] I would rather tear out my brain-stem, carry it out into the middle of the nearest 4-way intersection, and skip rope with it, than continue living where I do now.

[A TV falls on the ground and turns on. On the television is an octopus, who looks like Squidward, but with a hair piece. He is in a suit and stands in front of a rainbow.]

Announcer: Hi, there. Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain-stem, walk out to the middle of the nearest 3-way-

Squidward: 4-way!

Announcer: 4-way intersection and skip rope with it, than continue living where you do now? Then move to--

Patrick: [suddenly changes the channel to a static screen] I hate this channel.

Squidward: No! NO! [changes it back]

Announcer: ...Tentacle Acres. Where happiness is just a suction cup away. [puts his tentacles together and pops them. The pops echo]

[Meanwhile, a group of octopuses are angrily chasing after a happy-go-lucky Squidward. He sucks the noses off of three houses whilst running by. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking by when they see Squidward run past them.]

SpongeBob: Hey! That looked like Squidward! [the mob runs past them] That looked like Squidward also, in angry mob form! [Squidward has approached a dead end]

Policeman: Hold it right there, Mr. Tentacles!

Squidward: Stand back! I've got gardening tools! [the policeman hands him an envelope]

Policeman: Here! Just read this! [Squidward looks at it]

Squidward: What is it?

Policeman: A well thought out and organized list of complaints! [the mob shouts out in agreement. SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]

SpongeBob: Patrick, look! It's Squidward! [he runs up to the octopus and hugs him, but he's a different octopus with eyebrows and mustache, and a shirt like Squidward's] Squidward! We finally found you! [the octopus pushes SpongeBob off him]

Male Octopus: Get off me, and I'm not Squidward! [pause]

Patrick: Are you Squidward now?

Squidward: Grievances?! This town is a grievance! There should be a law against so many stuck-up tightwads living in one place! This city needs to be destroyed! ...or at least painted a different color.

Policeman: FYI, you don't have to live here, you know. [Squidward, and the crowd, smile]

Squidward: Hey, you're right! [the crowd members' smiles fade] And I'm leaving ASAP! [meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to find Squidward]

SpongeBob: Are you Squidward?

Male Octopus: No. [he walks up to the croquet woman]

SpongeBob: Are you Squidward?

Squidette: No. [Patrick talks to a fire hydrant]

Patrick: Are you Squidward? [pause] That's okay, take your time. [SpongeBob walks up to him]

SpongeBob: Any one of these Squidwards can be the real Squidward, Patrick! [the town rumbles as Squidward rockets the leaf blower out of Tentacle Acres and laughs maniacally. The octopuses smile]

Squidward: Freedom! Woo-hoo! [SpongeBob and Patrick watch him fly over the horizon]

SpongeBob: Well, we know one thing: it sure isn't that guy! [the episode ends]

No Free Rides [2.10a]

SpongeBob: Okay, Mrs. Puff, what's my final score?

Mrs. Puff: Six.

SpongeBob: Whoo! And how many do I need to pass?

Mrs. Puff: Six.

SpongeBob: [raising arms slowly] Whoo.

Mrs. Puff: Hundred. [SpongeBob stops]

SpongeBob: What?

Mrs. Puff: 600. You need 600 to pass. You got six.

SpongeBob: Don't worry. I'll be all right, Mrs. Puff. Besides, this means that I get to be in your class for a whole 'nother year! [he slams his fist down, which causes a piece of the motor to fly upward] Well, see you next Tuesday! [SpongeBob walks off and the piece crashes on Mrs. Puff. She inflates like she always does when SpongeBob crashes. SpongeBob runs out to his unicycle-like bike] Yeah! [singing] I'm gonna get my driver's license and it's only gonna take one more year, one more year, one more super duper year. [goes around in circles on his bike] One more super-spectacular, extra-magical, extra-fantastical year! [Mrs. Puff looks on, still inflated]

Mrs. Puff: [thinking] Oh, Neptune. Another year with him! Barnacles! Dirty barnacles! I've got to do something to save myself. Oh, there's only one way out: a teacher's ace in the hole! [starts to talk, when she does, she deflates to her normal size] ♪ Extra crediiiiit! ♪

SpongeBob: What was that, Mrs. Puff? [Mrs. Puff runs over and shakes him in joy]

Mrs. Puff: Extra credit, SpongeBob! The extra credit! [laughing wildly] I still have a chance! I mean, you still have a chance.

SpongeBob: [muffled] What's extra credit?

Mrs. Puff: It's when you get credit for the things you weren't able to do before.

SpongeBob: [singing] ♪ Oh… ♪

I'm Your Biggest Fanatic [2.10b]

SpongeBob: But Kevin, I was your biggest fan.

Kevin: So were they. [points down to some fans he has managed to get rid of, trapped at the bottom of the ledge at a campfire]

Fish: Hey, look everyone! Kevin's back! [they cheer]

Shanghaied [2.11a]

Dutchman: I’ve been thinkin'. STOP BOUNCIN'!! [they both stop] This whole crew for eternity thing isn't working out...It's not really you so much as it is me.

SpongeBob: You're setting us free?

Dutchman: Well actually, I'm just gonna eat you. See you at dinner. [leaves]

Gary Takes a Bath [2.11b]

[SpongeBob, in his attempt to get Gary to bathe, tries hypnotizing him]

SpongeBob: I am now going to assault your mind with subliminal messages. [images of a bathtub, a shower, a bar of soap, and then a picture of a girl with pigtails and crooked teeth appear] [walking away] Sorry you had to see that.

Pressure [2.12a]

Sandy: I'm a squirrel. See? [points to the acorn logo on her suit]

SpongeBob: I thought that meant you were nuts.

The Smoking Peanut [2.12b]

Zoo Worker 1: What's wrong with Clamu?

Joe: Easy, girl! It's me, Joe! Remember?

[Clamu snarls as if it sounds like a belch and uses her tongue to throw Joe out of Oyster Stadium. Patrick and a nervous SpongeBob wait at the stands]

Patrick: Now, this is a show!

[Outside...]

Announcer: Attention, zoo patrons! Clamu, the giant oyster is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles. [everybody does that] Thanks for coming.

[In the stadium, Clamu is still smashing things and making snarling belch noises. The zoo worker goes up to SpongeBob and Patrick]

Zoo Worker 1: You boys better get out of this area, pronto! There's nothing more dangerous than an emotionally disturbed oyster. [points at SpongeBob] You didn't do anything that might have caused this horrible tragedy, did you?

SpongeBob: Uh...

Patrick: No way! Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant. Right, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: [hides the peanut bag] Right. [lets out a nervous shriek]

[Clamu chomps on a piece of metal. Cut to Patrick and SpongeBob leaving the zoo]

Patrick: If I saw that guy, I'd have a few choice words for him. Like "you" and "are", and..."a jerk"!

Patrick: This is it! All of the clues are coming together. I followed these footprints right to this exact spot, and then, right where you're standing, I found this bag of peanuts! Ha! Oh, I'm so close to solving this crime, I can almost taste it. [zoom in on Patrick seemingly licking SpongeBob's head. Zoom out to reveal that he is actually licking a yellow ice cream pop] Boy, crime fighting sure makes me hungry, and this yellow Popsicle hits the spot.

Zoo Worker 1: Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. [rips off Mr. Krabs' clothes by accident] Behold! [the crowd gets disgusted] Wait a minute... [reveals Clamu's pearl] Behold! The oyster's pearl! [the crowd gasps in shock; the zoo worker then gives the pearl to Clamu] Here you go, girl.

[Clamu sniffs her pearl and the crowd cheers. But suddenly, the pearl starts to crack. And to everyone's amazement, it hatches into a baby oyster]

Baby Oyster: Mama. Mama.

SpongeBob: Mother of pearl! The oyster's a mother! And that pearl's no pearl, it's an egg!

Baby Oyster: Mama.

[The baby oyster and Clamu embrace each other]

All: Aww. [they glare at Mr. Krabs]

Mr. Krabs: But it's Free Day.

[The crowd boos as they throw peanuts at Mr. Krabs, burying him, thus ending the episode]

Prehibernation Week [2.13a]

Sandy: We gotta climb some things.

SpongeBob: Climb.

Sandy: We gotta jump off some stuff.

SpongeBob: Jump.

Sandy: We gotta ride.

SpongeBob: Ride.

Sandy: I don't wanna go to sleep yet!

SpongeBob: Wait, Sandy!

Sandy: [begins to cry] I can't burn carbs in my sleep!

SpongeBob: Sandy?

Sandy: WHAT?!

SpongeBob: Sandy, I'm willing to sacrifice any of my time that I haven't already sold to Mr. Krabs to you.

Sandy: Well, I'm glad, SpongeBob, 'cause for the next 7 days, it's gonna be you, me, and these sweatbands!

SpongeBob: Sandy, are you sure we’re standing up here?

Sandy: Go! [knocks SpomgeBpb off]

SpomgeBpb: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Sandy finds SpongeBob's clothes hanging off of a bush]

Sandy: SpongeBob's tie... and all his other little dressings? But... SpongeBob always folds his clothes before runnin' around... in the nude. Somethin' terrible must have happened to him! [wipes to the Krusty Krab.] Alright! Listen y’all! I’m rounding up a search party! SpongeBob’s gone missing!

[Squidward smiles]

Mr. Krabs: Man the lifeboats!

Life of Crime [2.13b]

Patrick: I wanna go home.

SpongeBob: We can never go home, Pat; We're wanted men. We'll spend the rest of our lives running. Running, but at least it's warmer on the fire.

Patrick: Hey, if we’re underwater, how could there be a- [The fire dissolves] I'm scared, SpongeBob.

Officer Rob: How about some lollipops for the road, boys? [gives 2 lollipops]

SpongeBob: Let's vow never to borrow anything without permission again.

Patrick: You said it! [the two cross their lollipops, but Patrick's is already eaten] All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop? [they laugh] I mean it.

The Secret Box [2.14a]

Patrick: You may be an open book, SpongeBob, but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma. [a thought bubble appears, showing a milk carton falling over and spilling]

Patrick: [laughs evily] Good thing he didn't pull the secret string, opening the secret compartment of my secret box [takes out a photo] revealing one embarrassing snapshot of SpongeBob at that Christmas Party! [laughs] Merry Christmas, SpongeBob!

Band Geeks [2.14b]

Squidward: [on phone] Hello, you've reached the house of unrecognized talent. Please start after the- [blows clarinet]

Squilliam Fancyson: Sounds as though you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh, old chum?

Squidward: Squilliam Fancyson from band class?

Squilliam: I heard you're playing the cash register now.

Squidward: Yeah, well, sometimes. How's the unibrow?

Squilliam: It's big and valuable. I'm the leader of a big, fancy band now, and we're supposed to play at the Bubble Bowl next week.

Squidward: The buh-buh-buh, the buh-buh-buh, the buh-buh-buh-

Squilliam: That's right. I'm living your dream, Squidward. The problem is I'm busy next week and can't make, so I was hoping you and your band could cover for us.

Squidward: Oh, I, uh, uh, uh...

Squilliam: I knew it! You don't even have a band! Well, I'll just let you get back to the service industry now!

Squidward: HOLD IT! It just so happens that I don't sell fast food! I do have a band, and we're going to play at that Bubble Bowl! How do you like that, FancyBoy?

Squilliam: Good luck next Tuesday! I hope the audience brings lots of...IBUPROFEN! [hangs up]

Squidward: Okay now, how many of you have played musical instruments before?

Plankton: [raises his hand] Do instruments have torture account?

Squidward: No.

Patrick: [raises his hand] Is mayonnaise an instrument?

Squidward: No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument. [Patrick raises his hand again] Horseradish is not an instrument, either.

Mr. Krabs: What did you say, punk?

Harold: Big meaty claws!

Mr. Krabs: We’ll these claws are now extractive mates!

Harold: Bring it on, old man! Bring it on!

Sailor Mouth [2.15a]

SpongeBob: [speaks into microphone] Attention, customers, today's special is a [dolphin chirp] Krabby Patty served in a greasy [dolphin chirp] sauce and grilled to [dolphin chirp] perfection. [One customer drops his patty. Another is so shocked even the food he's chewing freezes midair. A mother octopus covers her laughing children's ears] And don't forget to ask us to [dolphin chirp] the [dolphin chirp] fries. It will be our [dolphin chirp] pleasure. [a giant human ear pops out of Squidward's head; he pushes it back in] Hi, Squidward, how the [dolphin chirp] are ya?

Patrick: Nice [dolphin chirp] day we're having, isn't it, Squidward?

Mr. Krabs: Huh? The Krusty Krab, she's empty! All hands on deck! Batten the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks! Squidward, where have all me beautiful paying customers gone?

Squidward: Apparently, the two barnacle-mouth brothers just learned a new word, and SpongeBob just said it over the intercom.

Mr. Krabs: Well, what was it? What did he say?

Squidward: Uh, he said, uh, well, he said... [whispers the word]

Mr. Krabs: Huh?

Squidward: [whispers the word again]

Mr. Krabs: [gasps] SpongeBob and friend! Front and center! Why, I oughta make the two of you paint the Krusty Krab for using such language!

SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, we were only using our sentence enhancers.

Patrick: Yeah, it's fancy talk.

Mr. Krabs: There ain't nothing fancy about that word!

SpongeBob: You mean [dolphin chirp]?

Mr. Krabs: Yes, that one! Now quit saying that! It's a bad word!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Bad word?!

Mr. Krabs: Yes, siree, that's bad word number 11. In fact, there are 13 bad words you should never use.

Squidward: Don't you mean there are only 7?

Mr. Krabs: Not if you're a sailor. [laughs]

SpongeBob: Wow, 13.

Patrick: That's a lot of [dolphin noise] bad words.

Mr. Krabs: Okay, boys, I want you to promise me you'll never use that word again.

SpongeBob and Patrick: We promise.

Artist Unknown [2.15b]

Squidward: Now repeat after me. I have no talent.

SpongeBob: I have no talent.

Squidward: Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.

SpongeBob: Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.

Squidward: If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacle's talent will rub off on me.

SpongeBob: If I'm lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art.

[Pause]

Squidward: [unenthusiastically] Whatever.

Squidward: Your search is over. I am Bikini Bottom's greatest artist. I call this one: "Squidward en repose".

Monty: I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection.

Squidward: Why not?

Monty: Because it's an art collection. [laughs]

Squidward: How about this one? I call it "Bold and Brash".

Monty: More like: "Belongs in the Trash". [Laughs]

Jellyfish Hunter [2.16a]

Mr. Krabs: OH NO! DON'T TELL ME: YOU'VE STOPPED CARING FOR ME COSTUMER!

SpongeBob: AAAH! NO, NEVER!

Mr. Krabs: Then go out there, and get me some more jellies!

Mr. Krabs: What don't you understand about "More"!? [multiple of SpongeBobs are watching jellyfishes] More! More! More. More. More! More. More! [grimaces and demands more] More, more, more, more, more! MORE!!

[Cut to night. A sign reading "Jellyfish Fields: Population 4" is seen. The word "000,000" is crossed out]

SpongeBob: Well, there's no more! Now, that's jellyfishing!

[No Name follows SpongeBob.]

The Fry Cook Games [2.16b]

Patrick: D'oh, come on, you're just flipping Patties.

SpongeBob: Hey, flipping is not as easy as it sounds! [Patrick flips over a rock with his foot and makes a sizzling noise] Why don't you go home, Patrick? You can compete in the "Laying Under a Rock All Day" Games.

Patrick: Well, at least, I don't polish my fingernails!

SpongeBob: [gasps] You take that back! [a gleam shows at the tip of his fingernails]

Patrick: [mocking] Fingernails, fingernails, fingernails!

SpongeBob: You don't even have fingernails!

Patrick: I cannot believe what I am hearing!

SpongeBob: How can you hear?! You don't have ears either!

Patrick: Er...Holes, holes!

SpongeBob: Conehead!

Patrick: Yellow!

SpongeBob: Pink!

Squid on Strike [2.17a]

Squidward: Nobody cares about the fate of laborers as long as they can get their instant gratification.

Sandy, SpongeBob and the Worm [2.17b]

Sandy: SpongeBob, quit your worrying. I can take care of myself. After all, Who's the strongest critter in Bikini Bottom? [pulls a live-action boat down underwater by its anchor]

SpongeBob: You are.

Sandy: And who put the, hiyah-hah-huah, "K" in "karate"?

SpongeBob: [body is shaped like a "U"] You did.

Sandy: And who saves your yellow backside from certain destruction on a regular basis?

[SpongeBob's backside reads "Property of Sandy Cheeks" printed on it]

SpongeBob: You do.

Procrastination [2.18a]

Mail Fish: Package for Mr. Squarepants.

SpongeBob: Great! Thanks. [trying to strike up a conversation] So, uh, you like delivering mail?

Mail Fish: It puts bread on the table.

SpongeBob: Rye or pumpernickel? [laughs]

Mail Fish: Oh, brother.

SpongeBob: So, do you deliver your own mail, or do you have your own mail person? But then who delivers his mail? Is there a never-ending chain of mailmen delivering mail to other mailmen? Well, I guess a P.O. box could in theory break the chain-

Mail Fish: [interrupting] Don't you have a paper to write?

I'm with Stupid [2.18b]

Patrick: You know something, SpongeBob? It's all fun and games for you. Nothing really matters. [mockingly] "Oh, let's go jellyfishing! We don't have any work to do. [angrily] Life's just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews! And nobody has anything to dust, or to clean, or to wipe... [getting increasingly worked up] ...Or FABRICATE!

SpongeBob: [gently] But Patrick, the only thing I've ever seen you clean is your plate.

Patrick: [looks at SpongeBob for a split second, then falls at his feet and breaks down into tears] I don’t know what to do, SpongeBob. You gotta help me!

SpongeBob: Patrick! You've forgotten how to eat again! Come on, we'll get the funnel.

Patrick: No it's not that, SpongeBob. It's worse!

SpongeBob: Darn, I like the funnel.

Welcome to the Chum Bucket [2.19a]

[Cut to the morning where Mr. Krabs walks to work crying, and SpongeBob walks in laughing.]

SpongeBob: Takin' him to the cleaners! That's a hot one! [Mr. Krabs leans against the Krusty Krab doors] How'd the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: I lost.

SpongeBob: Barnacles, Mr. Krabs! How much money did ya lose?

Mr. Krabs: I didn't lose any money. [sheds away a tear] I lost...

SpongeBob: Don't tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!

Mr. Krabs: I lost... [SpongeBob grabs him]

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didn't lose the... Krabby Patty secret formula!

Mr. Krabs: I... lost... [points to SpongeBob] YOU!

SpongeBob: What?

Mr. Krabs: I bet your contract, and I lost.

SpongeBob: [stares blankly, then laughs] Good one, Mr. Krabs. Well, I gotta go make those Krabby Patties. [begins to walk to the door, but Mr. Krabs' claw stops him. After continually walking and getting nowhere, he falls to the floor]

Mr. Krabs: I'm afraid... you don't work here anymore.

Squidward: [runs out the door to the two] Please tell me this isn't a joke.

SpongeBob: Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke.

Plankton: [walks over] As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I'm afraid he's not joking. [points at SpongeBob] You work for me now, SpongeBob. [whips out a bucket with the initials "CB" on it] Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet. [jumps onto SpongeBob's head, kicks off the Krusty Krew hat and puts the bucket on his head. SpongeBob screams and runs to Mr. Krabs while knocking Plankton and the bucket off his head]

SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, I don't wanna work for him! [tugs at Krabs' shirt collar] I wanna work for you, here at the Krusty Krab! [he and Krabs start crying loudly and hug]

Mr. Krabs: I'm sorry, boy! It's all my fault!

Plankton: [pretending to sound genuinely sad] What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? [whips out a crowbar] I would! [jumps up and uses the crowbar to pry SpongeBob off Krabs. SpongeBob goes flying with Mr. Krabs' arms still clung to him]

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! [slams into a cage and Krabs' arms fly off him. Plankton walks over and shuts the door]

Plankton: This is your greatest blunder, Krabs. For fifteen years, I've been throwin' those card games just waitin' for you to slip up. I may not have the precious Krabby Patty formula, but I've got the next best thing: the guy who makes 'em! [a propeller emerges from the cage] I'm gonna run you out of business, Krabs! [the propeller spins and pilots SpongeBob into the Chum Bucket]

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! [cries and then stops] Can I have my arms back? [Plankton walks over and throws the arms on Krabs' head.]

Plankton: What is he doing? All these tears... and the showtunes? Why isn't he making the patties?! Forget it. I'm going with plan B, I'll put his brain in the robot chef.

Karen: You know that never works! The answer is obvious: to get to the SpongeBob, you must show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give you what you want.

Plankton: Will you be quiet? I'm thinking! I've got it! To get to the SpongeBob, I'll show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give me what I want.

Plankton: I put the brain in the robot, you know. You shouldn't have been a spoiled brat. You see, I always get what I want. And I want you to make me a Krabby Patty!

Robot SpongeBob: [turning on] Bee-beep-doodle-le-dee-doo... RESPONSE - WHY DON'T YOU ASK ME LATER?

Plankton: What? WHAT?!

Robot SpongeBob: GET WELDED.

Plankton: WAIT! I COMMAND YOU MAKE ME A KRABBY PATTY!

Robot SpongeBob: [while reading some comics and takes a drink from his soda] I DON'T WANNA.

[Plankton screams out of madness and decides to give up]

Frankendoodle [2.19b]

[SpongeBob draws a jellyfish in the ground with the giant pencil]

SpongeBob: It's a jellyfish!

Patrick: Pretty good, SpongeBob, but its lacking basic construction, and your perspective leaves a lot to be desired.

SpongeBob: Huh! Everybody's a critic.

Patrick: [notices the jellyfish drawing is coming to life] SpongeBob! Your drawing's coming to life!

SpongeBob: [oblivious] Now, that's more like it, Mr. Critic!

Patrick: [pointing to the jellyfish] No, I mean it's swimming away!

SpongeBob: Do you know what this means, Patrick?

Patrick: Your art can never hang in a museum.

[In the real world, the artist from earlier is curled up in a fetal position]

French Narrator: We rejoin the artist in a creative slump.

Artist: [the pencil reaches the surface and lands on him] Huh, what's... what's this? [jumps up and holds his pencil in joy] MY PENCIL! [tries to draw, but unfortunately, the pencil lead breaks]

French Narrator: [as the artist starts to cry] The second most important rule for the artist at sea: Always bring a pencil sharpener.

Artist: NOOOOOOOOO!

Graveyard Shift [2.20a]

SpongeBob: Isn't this great, Squidward? Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours, and then the sun will come up, and it'll be tomorrow and we'll still be working! [gasps] It'll be just like a sleepover, only we'll be sweaty and covered with grease! Are you ready to rock, Squidward?!

Squidward: No.

SpongeBob: Good! 'Cause we got customers!

Squidward: Here. [hands a baseball bat to a customer] Please hit me as hard as you can.

SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward. I'm working in the kitchen... [giggles] At night.

Squidward: [tilts his head sideways to the customer with the bat] Don't hold back.

SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward! Guess what! I'm chopping lettuce! At night. Look at me! I'm swabbing the bathroom! At night. [burns his hand] OW! I BURNED MY HAND!!! At night. Night, night, night, night. Night, night, night, night. Night, night, night, night. Night-night-night-night-nightnight! NIGHT!!!

Squidward: WILL YOU PLEASE?!?! [gives SpongeBob a bag of trash] Here, give me a moment's peace and take out the trash!

Squidward: So, you're not afraid?

SpongeBob: [walking past Squidward] Pfft, nah.

Squidward: Well, I am. Especially after, [looks around, gulps] well, you know.

SpongeBob: [stops and turns around] What? What do I know?

Squidward: You don't remember? It was all over the news.

SpongeBob: Tell me, tell me!

Squidward: No, no, no, I probably shouldn't. It would ruin the night shift for you. [gives a sympathetic look, then smiles slyly]

SpongeBob: [excitedly] What happened, what happened, what happened?!

Squidward: You mean you've never heard the story of the... [thinks] "Hash-Slinging Slasher?"

SpongeBob: [a little confused] The Slash-Bringing Hasher?

Squidward: The Hash-Slinging Slasher!

SpongeBob: The Sash-Ringing, the Trash-Singing, Mash-Flinging, The Flash-Springing, Ringing, The Cr-Crash-Dinging, daa...

Squidward: Yes... The Hash-Slinging Slasher. But, most people just call him The Ha---[breaks into scream] because that's all they have time to say, before he [shouting] gets 'em!

SpongeBob: [begging] Tell me the story!

Squidward: Years ago at this very restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a fry cook, just like you, only clumsier. And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties... it happened.

SpongeBob: He forgot the secret sauce?

Squidward: No.

SpongeBob: He didn't wash his hands?

Squidward: No.

SpongeBob: Irregular portions?

Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand by mistake.

SpongeBob: You mean like this? [pulls one of his arms out of socket, another one grows back in its place] Or like this? [pulls it again, another one grows back] Or this? [does it again] Or this? [does it again] But what about this? Or this, or this, or this, or-

Squidward: [interrupts] Except he wasn't a sponge!

SpongeBob: [ask with all his extra hands creating a rainbow-like line] So?

Squidward: So it didn't grow back!

SpongeBob: [screams] Oh, no! [all his extra arms lift their hands upwards and run away]

Squidward: And he replaced his hand with a rusty spatula. And then, he got hit by a bus! And... at his funeral, they fired him! So now, every... what day is it?

SpongeBob: Tuesday.

Squidward: Tuesday night, his ghost returns to the Krusty Krab to wreak his horrible vengeance.

SpongeBob: [gasps] But tonight's Tuesday night!

Squidward: Then he'll be coming.

SpongeBob: How will we know?

Squidward: There are three signs that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Slasher. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next...

Harold: [interrupts] Dude, can I have some ketchup?

Squidward: Oh, here you go. [hands him ketchup] Next, the phone will ring and there will be nobody there. [shows SpongeBob eating his fingernails] And finally, the Hash-Slinging Slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus, that ran him over! [shows SpongeBob eating his fingernails, starts eating his arms, the arms regrow and he eats those] Then he exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways, because he's already dead! [SpongeBob begins eating his hands like popcorn] Then he taps on the window with his grizzly spatula hand...

SpongeBob: No.

Squidward: He opens the door... [pushes his tentacle to SpongeBob's face, making it looking like he's a door that's being opened; while doing this he imitates the sound of a creaky door opening. leans towards SpongeBob's face, which sinks in] He slowly approaches the counter! ["counter" echoes menacingly] ...And y'know what he does next?

SpongeBob: What?

Squidward: You really want to know?

SpongeBob: What?

Squidward: Are you sure you want to know?

SpongeBob: What, what, what does he do?!

Squidward: [sneaks up on SpongeBob, then taps him] He gets ya!

[SpongeBob screams repeatedly for about 20 seconds while Squidward is laughing. Everyone stares at SpongeBob in confusion and concern. Squidward eventually stops laughing.]

Squidward: SpongeBob... [SpongeBob continues screaming] SpongeBob, I wa... [SpongeBob continues screaming] I was ju... [SpongeBob continues screaming] I was jus... [SpongeBob's pupils are now screaming, too, causing Squidward to lose his temper] SpongeBob, I was joking!

SpongeBob: What?

Squidward: It's not true. None of it's true.

SpongeBob: It's not?

Squidward: Of course not. Nobody has a spatula for a hand. It was all a joke.

SpongeBob: Ohhhhh... [laughs repeatedly like he did with screaming, much to Squidward's annoyance.]

Krusty Love [2.20b]

Mr. Krabs: $49.0...8?! That's a penny short! [cries]

Squidward: [sarcastically] Oh no, not a penny. Help, somebody help us.