The Pacifier is a 2005 comedy film featuring Vin Diesel and Lauren Graham. The film tells the story of Navy SEAL Shane Wolfe who is assigned to protect five children from enemies of their scientist father who was recently deceased.

Prepare for bottle.(taglines)

Lulu Plummer

  • Land! Solid land!!

Dialogue

Shane Wolfe: [first lines] Atten-hut! Here's our man. Professor Howard Plummer. He's been kidnapped by a group of Serbian rebels. Yeah, I know we've been up for 72 hours, but I expect perfection. Nothing else. They enemy has a boat, 4 jet skis and a chopper.
[Shane catches Zoe's boyfriend, Scott, trying to get into the house and acts like an overprotective father]
Scott: Yo, fool, handle me like that again and I'll be forced to lay knuckles upside your head.
Zoe: Okay! Enough is enough! Come on, Scott. Let's go. Come on.
Shane Wolfe: [pulls Scott back] No, you don't. Get back here. Give me 20. [Scott pulls out his wallet to give Shane $20] I meant push-ups!
Scott: Zoe?
Shane Wolfe: Drop down! Do 20! [Scott does push-ups]
Zoe: Okay, this is not the Army or the Navy! Real nice move, Lieutenant Smooth! He'll probably never speak to me!
Shane Wolfe: Then I did you a favor.
Zoe: Whoa, personal bubble invasion!
Shane Wolfe: Your mother was worried sick about you! You should just call her and tell her the truth.
Zoe: Oh, I'm sure you'll take care of that for me. Stay out of my life!
Seth: Hey!
Shane Wolfe: Enough!
Dwayne Murney: All right, you heard the lady. Let's break it up, guys. Come on. Hmm? Relax, Popeye. Boys will be boys, huh? Anyway, it's kinda good for the creeper. Gives him a chance to punk up. Learn to defend himself.
Shane Wolfe: Six against one?
Dwayne Murney: Well, you know, the odds are never pretty, but look at it, as like, a preparation for him. You know, the naked streets of Bethesda can be so dark and dangerous, right, creeper? [Seth angrily tries to attack Murney, but Shane restrains him]
Shane Wolfe: Ooh, whoa.
Dwayne Murney: You're pretty quick there, frogman. I, myself, happen to be a blackbelt. That's why they wanted me to coach the wrestling team. Ooh-aah! Sensei. You know what that's called, homeboy? Total control. You all right? Hmm? I tell you what, maybe sometime you can pop by our wrestling class, and we'll show a couple pros how it's done. What do you think? I'll go easy on you.
Shane Wolfe: I'm on duty.
Dwayne Murney: You're on duty. Oh, that's right. That's right, you're a babysitter. So it's kind of like "doo-doo duty". Don't worry about it. We'll do it on a day when you're not washing your hair, hmm? And I'll see you in class. At ease.
Shane Wolfe: That guy don't have his head on right.
Seth: I was fine! I don't need your help!
Seth: What are you doing?
Shane Wolfe: You're burning daylight! Move!
Seth: It's Sunday. And it's 6:00 am! You're insane!
Lulu: Hi. Zoe says you look like the Hulk. I think you're cute.
Shane: (stunned) Thank you.
Lulu: Do you know kung-fu?
Shane Wolfe: Yes.
Lulu: Have you ever punch a guy so hard his head came off?
Shane Wolfe: No.
Lulu: Why are your boobs so big?
Shane Wolfe: [shocked] They are not... boobs.
Lulu: Do you have to wear a bra? Will mine be as big as yours one day?
Shane Wolfe: You know what, little girl? I think it's time you went nappy-poo in beddy-bye land.
Lulu: Do I look like I'm five to you?
Shane Wolfe: What did I say?
Lulu: Disrespectful. And to think I was interested in you.
Helga: [to Shane] Tell me, are you licensed to kill?
Shane Wolfe: No, ma'am.
Helga: Hmm. Too bad. It could have come in handy.
Shane Wolfe: Where's the baby? [Lulu points to the kitchen] Is there anyone here who understands the meaning of the word "discipline"?
Helga: Hey, Flipper, you don't like it? Do something. I make bottle. [Peter throws some cereal onto Helga and Tyler cries] Thank you, Peter.
Lulu: Shane! You can't do this! You can't leave a man behind!
Seth: Hold on, I got it. [open bottle with milk awake Shane]
Zoe and Lulu: Shane!
Zoe: Where's Mom?
Shane Wolfe: Mom? I'll find her. You guys run and get help! [four kids running in Julie's car.] Hurry!
Lulu: Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
Shane Wolfe: Yes, Lulu. Go, get help.
Zoe: Oh, my God! What do we do?
Seth: Find a cop!
Zoe: He's gaining on us.
Seth: I'll handle it.
[while Bill and Mrs. Chun are distracted, Shane pulls Julie out of Bill's grasp and leg sweeps them both. Shane struggles with Bill until Mrs. Chun jumps onto Shane. Bill accidentally hits Mrs Chun and he and Shane trade blows and Shane knocks Bill to the ground, then Bill hold Shane at gunpoint]
Bill Fawcett: Any last words, Shane?
Shane Wolfe: Say good night, Peter Panda.
[The safe opens up, and knocks Bill on the head and knocked him to the floor.]
Julie Plummer: Shane, are you okay? [Julie punches Mrs. Chun the face] She was never a good neighbor.
Seth: Zoe, you're going too fast! You're not gonna have time to stop!
Zoe: Who said anything about stopping? I'm parking.
Shane Wolfe: Gary, now!
[Gary eats Mr. Chun in the crotch and screaming. Claire kicks the back patch Mr. Chun, rolls on his back again, turns around and kicks with his feet and knocks him unconscious.]
Claire Fletcher: Couldn't let you have all the fun.
[Claire gets off Mr. Chun and he gets arrested, Shane takes from GHOST, Julie Plummer and 5 Kids sigh happily and embrace. Later, Bill Fawcett & Mrs. Chun two both are arrested.]
Claire Fletcher: Looks like you have a hit on your hands.
Shane Wolfe: You think so?
Claire Fletcher: Mm-hmm. You should take over the drama department instead of the wrestling team. [She and Shane chuckle] It's gonna be nice having you around now. Now that Murney's found his true calling.
Murney: [singing] Climb every mountain/Ford every stream
Shane Wolfe: It's gonna be my pleasure serving with you.
[He and Claire share a kiss]

Taglines

  • Welcome to the infantry.
  • This Navy S.E.A.L. Meets His Match.
  • Prepare for bottle.
  • Prepare for bottle. Prepare for battle.

Teams

  • Good: Shane Wolfe vs Bad: Bill Fawcett
  • Good: Julie Plummer vs Bad: Mrs. Chun
  • Good: Claire Fletcher vs Bad: Mr. Chun

Cast

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