Shameless (2011–2021) is an American television drama series, that aired on Showtime, about the dysfunctional family of Frank Gallagher, a single father of six children. While he spends his days drunk, his kids learn to take care of themselves. The series premiered on January 9, 2011 and concluded on April 11, 2021.

El Gran Canon [3.01]

Fiona: Frank is like scabies; you can't get rid of them no matter how hard you try.

The American Dream [3.02]

Lip: When you're poor, only way to make money is to steal it or scam it, like Don King or Joe Kennedy.

May I Trim Your Hedges? [3.03]

Veronica: [About Cheryl] You let her sleep in our bed? You said yourself she's a crazy bitch.

Kev: She is a crazy bitch. And not a crazy bitch like you're a crazy bitch like, "oh bitch, you so crazy." No! She once tried to beat me to death with a frozen fish because I had asked if there was any more broccoli.

Cheryl: [On Veronica] She's some kind of nympho; has three drawers filled with dildos!

Veronica: What you doing going through my shit, bitch?

Debbie: What's a dildo?

Beto: [On Estefania] You married her before God, no?

Jimmy: No, I married her before her father who had a gun pointed at my nuts. It's different somehow.

Ian: Hey, did you really fuck Angie Zahgo today?

Mickey: Yeah, I fucked Angie.

Mickey: Everybody fucks Angie.

Mickey: You don't fuck Angie?

Ian: No.

Mickey: Huh.

Mickey: You want to fuck Angie? I can call her, get her down here.

Ian: No.

The Helpful Gallaghers [3.04]

Fiona: If I had to apologize for all the stuff my dad has done, I wouldn't have a voice left.

Frank: If God didn't want things up our ass, he would have given the rectum a gag reflex.

The Sins of My Caretaker [3.05]

Veronica: '['Reading a birthday cake] Haddy Birtbay Juby?

Fiona: Bakery guy is dyslexic.

Jimmy: It's not the homo thing that gets me, 'cause gays hit on me all the time and it doesn't bother me.

Veronica: Of course they do. You wear designer jeans and coconut hair product. You're like gay flypaper.

Debbie: [To Molly] I will totally teach you to swim. We can protect one another from city kids who hate white people!

Mickey: I don't know what you see in that geriatric viagroid.

Ian: He buys me stuff. Orders me room service... He isn't afraid to kiss me.

Ian: Hey, you know that guy you beat the shit out off at that club? Want me to sneak into his mansion and take all of his crap.

Mickey: Really. Hilarious.

Ian: Can't get them himself. Divorce. Says I can take whatever I want. He's loaded. You want in? [Mickey holds up a pistol] Jesus! Use blanks, maybe!

Mickey: Can I bring my cousins?

Ian: Yeah.

Mickey: Alright. I'm in.

Cascading Failures [3.06]

Fiona: [to Jimmy] I don't mean to be an asshole. It's just... genetic.

Veronica: [Fostering the kids] Five Gallaghers... I'm gonna to be the lone black dot on the map of Ireland.

Mickey: My dad took my brothers on a run out of town for a couple of days so if you want to ditch that dump and crash at my place you can.

Ian: Was I just invited to a sleep over?

Mickey: Fuck you is what you were invited to.

Mickey: You fuck anyone in there yet?

Ian: God no!

Mickey: Wise choice. Even if you're propositioned it's probably just a set up. Guys wanna find out if you're gay and pound the shit out of you. And not in a good way.

Ian: Great.

Ian: I mean, there is just no privacy. If I want to jack off I've got to do it in the bathroom.

Mickey: I can't even begin to imagine what kind of pussy you'd be in juvie.

A Long Way From Home [3.07]

Jimmy: [to Fiona, after answering the phone] It's Veronica. Says she's got a dead body for you?

Judge: Ms. Gallagher, you want to tell me why your father should be declared unfit?

Fiona: We were living out of a car once. Uncle Nick had kicked us out. We couldn't find anyone else who'd take us in. Lip and Ian and me were sleeping in the backseat when Frank pulled over. Middle of the night. Think it was Halstead. Told me to take the boys and sit on the curb and he'd be right back. I was six. Few hours later, we're still sitting on the sidewalk and Ian's head is burning up. He's hysterical. I don't know what to do. So I ran down the street, Lip under one arm, Ian under the other, trying to flag down help. It would have been easier scoring crack than a ride to the clinic. I finally made it on foot. They said Ian had a fever of 104. Another couple hours later, who knows. I didn't find Frank until a couple days later. First thing he asked me, was how much money I had on me. Wish I could say that was the only time, but it was just the first. My mother is bipolar and my father is an alcoholic and an addict. He takes what he pleases and he offers nothing. No money, no support. I've done what I could to help raise my siblings. I wish I could've done more. I'm not asking for your pity or your admiration. I just want to be able to give these kids everything that they deserve because they're great kids. And they deserve better.

Where There's a Will [3.08]

Karen: I got your message.

Lip: The one where I told you to go fuck yourself?

Karen: It was nice to hear your voice.

Veronica: And who's that puking on his Timberlands?

Carl: Cousin Patrick. He's got nausea, shortness of breath, blood in urine, severe illness and death.

Veronica: What the hell are you reading?

Carl: [holds up a box] Rat poison.

Fiona: You know what I want? Not to win the lottery or go on vacation to the Caribbean. I want normal people problems. Like, am I getting enough fiber? Why did my friend say that insensitive thing about my weight?

Frank the Plumber [3.09]

Mandy: I don't understand.

Lip: You really don't get why I have a problem with this?

Mandy: No.

Lip: Really?

Mandy: No!

Lip: Ian, do you get why I have a problem with this?

Ian: Not getting in the middle.

Mandy: Why are you being such a dick about this? Those applications are 90 pages long. It took me forever to fill them out.

[Karen walks by them in the opposite direction]

Mandy: Walk. The fuck. Away.

Lip: Wow. You're--

Mandy: What? I'm what?

Lip: You're not my mother. You're not in charge of who I talk to or who has a picture of me on facebook. And you're sure as shit not in charge of if I go to college!

Mandy: You think he's right? Men are never right. That's why women were invented, To think for you assholes.

Sheila: My daughter's a mean girl. I don't know how it happened.

Debbie: It's not your fault.

Sheila: But I'm her mother.

Debbie: Hey, if how we turn out is all about how our mother is, then I'm pretty screwed, right?

[Mickey comes across Mandy cleaning the car]

Mickey: What did you hit?

Mandy: A girl from school.

Mickey: [pause] Make sure you check for hair behind the grill.

Civil Wrongs [3.10]

Debbie: I have red hair, freckles, and crooked teeth. Don't need any more character!

Order Room Service [3.11]

Ian: [After Frank takes the fall for Carl] What happened?

Lip: Hell froze over.

Survival Of the Fittest [3.12]

Kev: Hey, what can I say? Once you go white, you always stay tight. Hey, I think I just insulted myself.