Shameless (2011–2021) is an American television drama series, that aired on Showtime, about the dysfunctional family of Frank Gallagher, a single father of six children. While he spends his days drunk, his kids learn to take care of themselves. The series premiered on January 9, 2011 and concluded on April 11, 2021.

Sumertime [2.01]

Lip: [Showing a couple of brochures] What the hell is this?

Ian: It's a mission packet.

Lip: To West Point?

Ian: You're going through my stuff now?

Lip: Ian, you just graduated the tenth grade!

Ian: I wanted to see what it would take to get in.

Lip: What, to West Point? You're kidding me? You're actually serious about this shit?

Ian: Well, I was in ROTC for two years, so what do you think Lip?

Lip: I don't know, I thought it was some kind of stupid fucked up adolescent phase, I mean you really want to get your ass shot off in some-some Stan somewhere?

Ian: Stan?

Lip: Yeah, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraqistan...

Ian: I guess I'm a patriot!

Lip: Fuck.

Summer Loving [2.02]

Dottie: Eat shit, Frank.

Frank: Well I-I would, but I recently went vegan.

Karen: [to Lip] Stop talking about my boyfriend and fuck me.

I'll Light a Candle For You Every Day [2.03]

Dottie: You don't love me.

Frank: You're kinda growing on me.

Debbie: You okay, Daddy?

Frank: Just looked death in the face, Debs. It wasn't pretty.

Debbie: I know what you mean. You just have to think of something nice.

Fiona: Hi.

Purse owner: Hey. What's up?

Fiona: I feel bad somebody swiped money. [Produces cash wad from purse]

Purse owner: Yeah?

Fiona: Yeah, I thought...

Purse owner: Oh, please, like I don't know you took it!

Fiona: What?! No.

Purse owner: Come on, you stole my goddamn money! Admit it!

Fiona: I did not!

Purse owner: Of course you did! You're a skanky, ghetto trash, hood girl!

Fiona: Like you're all high and mighty because you moved and have a Louis Vuitton?!

Purse owner: Which you fucking swiped!

Fiona: Which you were stupid enough to leave on the El!

Purse owner: Bitch!

Fiona: Oh, you're the bitch! Okay?! I came here to be nice, but forget it now! [She starts walking away]

Purse owner: Fuck you!

Fiona: Oh, eat me!

Purse owner: Whore!

Fiona: Slut!

Purse owner: Asshole!

Fiona: Cunt!

Purse owner: Off to steal another fucking purse?!

Fiona: Finders keepers, losers weepers!

Purse owner: Fuck you!

Fiona: Fuck!

A Beautiful Mess [2.04]

Frank: Scratched cornea. Brass bits and gas ripped into my eye.

Kev: You're lucky that's all that happened to you. Cartoons-- whole head explodes.

Carl: I already had my first woody in history class, talking about how Marie Antoinette's head got chopped off.

Lip: What, are you freebasing lycopene now, you worthless piece of shit?

Frank: Why you got to be such an asshole?

Lip: Apple fell where you dropped it.

Little Hank: Wanna see how fast I can unhook your bra?

Holly: I don't wear a bra, runt.

Father's Day [2.05]

Jody: Karen, your dad is dead.

Karen: Nice try, but that doesn't turn me on anymore.

Frank: [to Lip] The best gift you can give is neglect. Neglect fosters self-reliance.

Frank: That's the Gallagher sperm: ambitious, relentless, everything we're not once we're born.

Fiona: [to Debbie] Put the top back, no more playing dress up. Hymen stays intact.

Can I Have a Mother [2.06]

Kevin:Hey, listen, about the bathroom....

Veronica:Nothing happened in the bathroom.

Kevin:Well, whatever didn't happen, I'm sorry.

Veronica:What didn't happen in the bathroom, Steve, did not happen.

[Sheila tinkles her glass]

Sheila: Quiet, please.

Jody: Quiet, everyone.

Sheila:I'm sorry that I didn't make it all the way down the stairs today... but, baby steps.

Jody:That's right, Mom.

Man 1: Hear, hear.

Sheila:Oh, my Karen, my baby, all grown up. I so wish your father could have been here today. I wish he could have seen you, our sweet girl, all grown up. And I know he would be so proud of his grandbaby...no matter who the father was, except Frank. Heh. He hated Frank. Heh. But it couldn't be Frank, because there wasn't any penetration. Eddie didn't like being penetrated. He had a funny bump on the side of his penis...that we thought was cancer...but it turned out I was just being too rough on him, so....There's been some obstacles and some pitfalls...but she's made some wonderful, wonderful friends along the way. Like Lip and all the Gallaghers.

[Karen mouths to Lip] What the fuck are you doing?

Sheila:People I just used to only know as the ones in that house...where the cops always came.

Peggy:Jesus, is that bitch ever gonna shut up?

MAN 2 & WOMAN: Oh.

Sheila:And Frank's mother. We're just so honored that you're here, even though you weren't even invited. And not really honored, because you're a convicted felon. But you're out now, aren't you? Why did they let you out? Because you're a loud, mean, vicious bitch.

[Whole party guests murmur]

Karen:Okay, Mom, let's open presents.

Peggy:Why don't you do yourself and everyone else a favor and shut up?

Sheila:Have I offended you? In my home, where you're an interloper?

Peggy:No one wants to hear it, you fucking windbag.

Karen:Okay, Mom, let's go upstairs.

Sheila:She called me a Wacker Drive whore.

Fiona:Frank.

Frank:Let them work it out.

Sheila:And I don't know how an angel like that man...could have come out of your poisoned womb.

Peggy:Shut up, you batty bitch.

Sheila:You know what? You've got a demon mind and a devil's womb and heart. And your coochie smells of brimstone and sulfur!

Peggy:I will fuck you up. [She draws a handun]

Kevin:Shit! Shit! No!

Sheila:Do it! Do it!

[Jimmy rushes forward and deflects Peggy's gun hand upwards and the gun discharges into a smoke detector]'

Partygoer:Oh, my God, there's a woman with a gun. She's at a party. She's shooting people

Frank: Eat me. I say eat me. I'm done taking your shit, you got it? I am a grown man, this is my family not yours. You're a piss poor excuse for a mother. I was hoping you would die in prison. You make my life a living hell and I want you out of here now.

Peg: Good for you, it's great to get that stuff out. Feel better?

Fiona: [to Frank, regarding Peg] It's tough, huh? My parents suck too.

Debbie: Are you looking for the Sunshine Adult Daycare? It's up at the church.

Peg: Honey, only time I wanna go to the church is if I feel like getting molested.

Fiona: [to Steve] You married a drug lord's daughter to hang on to your ear?

A Bottle of Jean Nate [2.07]

Parenthood [2.08]

Frank: [after catching Ian and Mickey together] Front door was locked so I came in the back. No pun intended.

Fiona: [to Steve] Figure out that chick sitting on my sofa wearing your wedding ring and then we'll talk.

Carl: I don't get it. Half of the world has penises, why do people get so upset about seeing them?

Jody: I made a list of the top 50 stupidest things and all 50 were when I was drunk.

Ian: We've got nothing to be ashamed of.

Mickey: What fucking world you live in?

Ian: You don't... I don't want you to...

Mickey: What do you think? We're boyfriend and girlfriend here? You're nothing but a warm mouth to me.

Fiona: My job is to keep this house going. Working eight jobs, making meals, keeping everything straight! Your job is school. School or leave!

Hurricane Monica [2.09]

Sheila: Sometimes when I see the word "hospice" on the screen, I pronounce it "ho-spice" in my head.

Ian: [to Frank] You haven't even claimed your mom's body from the morgue and you wanna tell me how to treat mine?

Ian: Hey! Some of us want to graduate and do something with our lives. So how about you all shut the fuck up and let me sleep?

Steve: Now I'm off to lead tiny testosterone animals to victory. Gonna warm em up and give em my best Friday Night Lights speech about hearts, eyes, or some shit.

A Great Cause [2.10]

Kev: Circle doesn't start with an "S"? What the fuck?

Kev: Too many Gallaghers in the world already. Lip, now you? Instead of passing out rubbers at schools they should be passing them out at your house.

Veronica: You know, there are a lot of kids who need a home.

Kev: Fucked up foster kids like me?

Veronica: Exactly. We could build up our own army. Like Wesley Snipes. Take over the neighborhood.

Mandy: [to Ian] Wipe off that fucking look on your face. A Gallagher looking down at me, I don't think so.

Just Like The Pilgrims Intended [2.11]

Karen: Fuck Mother Nature! She doesn't have to worry about her vagina getting stretched. Ow!

Jody: You were already pretty stretched out down there, Karen.

Debbie: I think I'm depressed. I've been feeling kind of funky lately.

Carl: Means you're gonna get your period soon.

Debbie: It does?

Carl: Don't wear white for a while.

Steve: Your sister's driving me crazy. I don't know what it's gonna take for her to trust me. Again.

Lip: Can you blame her? You know, you have a whole other family. First, your name was Steve, then Jimmy. You know, you disappear to Brazil. Come back married. You know, it's kind of a tough way to build up trust.

Steve: I really am trustworthy, though.

Lip: Yeah, well, you're gonna have to do something bold to prove it.

Lip: Holy shit... they're still fucking?

Steve: Sometimes it's fighting. Can't really tell the difference.

Carl: [about Karen's baby] That thing looks weird.

Sheila: I think he looks beautiful.

Debbie: What's wrong with him?

Fiona: He has Down syndrome, Debs.

Lip: Yeah, and he's Asian.

Kev: Maybe we're just looking at him upside down.

Lip: What the fuck, Karen?!

Karen: I never said it was yours. You just wanted it to be.

Fiona Interrupted [2.12]

Fiona: [about Steve] Christ, V. I can't let him back into this madness.

Veronica: Isn't that his choice?

Fiona: Well, he thinks he wants it now. Just wait a year or two, when I have one in the oven and Frank throws up on our bed in the middle of the night or Monica tries to hang herself in the closet with an old shoelace.

Steve: You're going to be disappointed.

Fiona: Wouldn't be the first time somebody's disappointed me.